Friday, May 22, 2009

Dreaming...

Preface: I have had a pretty difficult week – and although this short little entry is completely biased, I think it became a really good outlet for my frustration this week. I am going to write more in a blog-style format this weekend about my new house, work, etc. This was just me venting and reflecting on some things I have observed here in Nicaragua. Frankly, I am going through some culture shock for truly the first time. It seems quite delayed – but maybe it is because I am finally really settling in to this new life of mine.
Although this country’s majority in numbers belongs to the mujeres (women), men here certainly have taken the wheel, and have been for centuries in this machismo society (machismo: a society, culture predominantly run by men in every aspect). Maybe I should clarify. Women here do all of the caretaking, cleaning, washing clothes, yard work, etc. This may not sound like a lot to women of my generation – but here it is duro. It is hard, it is daily and everything takes three times as long as it should.
In reality the typical Nicaraguan family (both that I have observed and read factually) starts with a barely out of puberty 15 year old girl and usually a slightly older male at the age of 20. The 15 year old girl, now-turned ‘woman’, is pregnant within months. She stops going to school if she hasn’t already – and prepares for the lifelong job of motherhood. The hombre, typically cannot find work in or around his pueblo – so he searches elsewhere. Most commonly I have found that the husbands are in Costa Rica working on farms, or fincas, or in the United States. They periodically send money back to the family for rice, beans and other essential items (you should see how busy Western Union is here). In my fairytale mind I would like to romanticize this idea of a father sacrificing everything for his family. The realistic part of me knows this is just that, a fairytale.
Although I have never directly asked any of these women I have come into contact with – I cannot help but beg the question: how faithful are these men, in a society that openly acknowledges and even accepts infidelity? Truth be told, these men likely have other families in one – if not multiple parts of the world. There is a sole two-story house in my town of 4,000 habitants. It has been told to me that this man has over twenty-five children just here in Posoltega. One of the families that has ‘adopted’ me, openly discussed that the father had lived in one of the rural communities for over a year and had another child with his mistress some years ago. Normal topic of conversation over my tortilla and cheese with the fam. In this same family – the 15 year old boasts about his four girlfriends – of which two are close friends.
So in reality, the typical Nicaraguan family is a single-mom, with at least four children. Running the household, bills, etc. until her husband comes home for a week every six months or so. When he returns she just has more laundry and more mouths to feed. Condoms here are seriously taboo and largely in part to the machismo attitude – few women demand such a thing, let alone from their husbands. They would quickly be chastised and accused themselves of cheating. Therefore, whenever the husband comes home – he likely impregnates the woman again, at best. One can only imagine how many STDs and HIV is transmitted through this dark corner of Nicaraguan culture. Women are often referred to here as ‘mi mujer’ or my woman. To be referred to as similarly as a motorcycle, a machete – someone’s property. A man’s property.
I must note that I am speaking in large, vast generalizations – and todos los hombres no son iguales. Just as in the United States, all men truly are not the same. I remember that every time I think of my own father.
Over the past week I had met a man at my regular lunch spot – and we instantly starting planning charlas and projects together. He works for the mayor’s office and presented as a very well educated and well-intentioned colleague. I would guess he is 37 years old or so – has two children and is married. All was going well until around 5pm today – when I received a text message from him telling me that I should dream of him tonight. First impressions aren’t everything.
I wouldn’t say I am bitter per say right now, just coming out of the fog of excitement when everything was new and rose-colored. This is probably a good thing – because if I went through these next two years doing that I would be in denial-land. I didn’t sign up for the Peace Corps to go to a 3rd world country and pretend that everything was pretty and perfect. This country has serious problems, infiltrated into the very depths of its existence and the problems they face daily.
It is all relevant to my life here and even more so my work. I can only hope that my work with some of the youth will help to improve some of these young women’s self-esteem – and thus avoid the vicious cycle of young motherhood, poverty and the limitations they both manufacture. The problem with poverty that has been prevalent for centuries – is that it is hard to demonstrate or encourage people to think of a future different than the one that was handed to them. When one does not see a possibility of change, why would they attempt to do anything different? This is the real problem. I suppose it is really no different than the work I was doing with heroin addicts in Delaware. If my client did not see the possibility of change – of something better – he/she had no incentive to change their behavior. Hope is such a beautiful thing – life is so dark without it. Even without knowing with certainty, hoping for something better may actually be more powerful than the change itself. It gives you the opportunity to dream.

I never thought dreaming was a luxury until now.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

One Step at a Time

Hello friends and family – I hope this entry finds you well and healthy! I first want to thank you again for your continued support; I know that it is very easy to get caught up in our own busy lives, but the continuation of your enthusiasm and encouraging words do more for me than you can imagine.
I decided to go back to writing about general topics as opposed to day-by-day blog entries. I think it is more focused and generally more interesting than a detailed description of my daily life.
Mitch.
Well I don’t mean to start with such a grave topic, but it is the first on the list. Two weeks ago I went to a community that was very affected by Hurricane Mitch in 1998 (it is also might be the highest elevation I will get here in Posoltega). It was a very interesting community and sort of exists on its own. The community is completed isolated from the rest of the municipality due to no public transportation daring to make the track up the mountain. We went up to this community for the vaccination campaign and they vaccinated hundreds of children. I quickly learned while in the community that there is no school. Can you imagine? I also observed that over half of the children were not ‘registered’. In other words, it was never reported that they were born – there is absolutely no record of them. One mother had four children without registry and also did not know their birth dates. Several children did not have names. I cannot even find words to describe what it is like to witness that. Many things were running through my mind – but I obviously said nothing. I was with Guadalupe (aka my counterpart and host-mother) and she lectured the women about how these children deserve names and registry. She went on to explain to them that it was as if the children were animals if they did not have registry.
When I first arrived in Posoltega they told me there had not been a child or maternal death in this municipality in some odd number of years. After witnessing the number of children that are not registered, there are undoubtedly deaths not being reported – because they are never registered in the first place. There was a woman from the mayor’s (Alcade) office with us who was registering some of the children (some as old as 12 years old). This problem is so large and clearly a product of poverty. I know this is so much bigger than one person – but I hope to incorporate this into my work over the next two years.
Side note: the ride up to this site, I was in the back of the Health Center truck (did I mention how the roads were?). I would like to compare it directly to the Safari ride at Disney World, but much, much more intense.
Nica-Time
So. I am beginning to think every Latin American country uses this as an excuse. ‘Tica-Time’ is what Costa Ricans say. ‘Nica-time’ is what Nicaraguans say. Basically what it all means, is that no one is one time here. I am not sure if I already told you this in a previous blog, but people actually say ‘American-time’ if they want people to be on time (although, the result will still be the same). My first experience with this was in Leon when I went to visit my friend Kenya. I got there around 2:30pm ready for a day of walking the city as we had discussed. Instead, I sat in front of a television, drinking coca-cola (we’ll talk about that later) until around 5:30pm. We went and walked around for about two hours and then I repeated the previously mentioned activities while she was getting ready for the discoteca, or club. Patience or paciencia is something that is going to continue to be a learning process here.
Regalos (gifts)
Now after mentioning one of the less attractive qualities of Nicaraguans, I feel it necessary to tell you about one of the best ones. They are so incredibly NICE. I know I already mentioned some about how people have been taking care of me here – but it really has only been increasing as days go on. I go from house to house to say hello to my friends/neighbors and end up bringing home four cucumbers, two avocados and a stomach full of two dinners. I rarely spend money on food here, because everyone wants to feed me! Hence, I am going to start exercising next week. Holy Rice!
Also, while at these people’s houses they either offer me a ‘fresca’ (juice made from Posoltega’s finest) or ‘gaseosa’(the biggest addiction here in Nicaragua…Coca-Cola). Due to several warnings about the water here in Posoltega, I am trying to limit the amount of home-made juices I am drinking and you cannot refuse a drink…therefore I have had more Coca-Cola in the past three weeks than my parents let me combined throughout my entire childhood (I don’t think they know what Diet, Caffeine-Free even is). Yuck. I have got to find a polite way to limit this consumption.
Another fun fact is that they love sopa, soup here. Every. Day. It doesn’t matter that it is 110 degrees out. Was literally sweating into my soup last week.
Time Management
Definitely need to work on that. They did tell us that our work the first three months is to integrate into our town, but I feel like people here are really quite demanding! They want to spend every single second with me (I think it is cultural – not just because I am fabulous…ha)! If I do not show up to someone’s house within two days – they think I moved back to the United States or was sick. I am seriously thinking about setting up a night with each family to avoid feeling pulled in a million directions by these families. I do not feel bad for myself at all – considering I have talked to some people in my group who are having quite the opposite problem in their towns. But for my sanity, I definitely need to work on not letting people suck hours and days out of me.
Role @Health Center, School
The health program of PC Nicaragua is very…open-ended, which has its benefits and drawbacks. The other programs, such as business and environment have a specific schedule and are assigned a specific teacher to work with. The first three weeks here at the Health Center has taught me a little something about myself: I really do enjoy some structure in my life. Especially in my work. I am struggling to find a role at the health center and do not feel an incredible amount of support from the staff. I suppose there is probably fault on both ends. I definitely need to take more initiative and just start doing things. I just finished my ‘Plan de Trabajo’ or work plan for the first three months – and I am already feeling better. I am sure nothing will pan out as planned, but at least I have a plan. Ha.
I feel so comfortable at the schools here and will start giving charlas in two classes within the next two weeks. I do not know if it is less intimidating – but I remember what I observed in Los Limones on my trip to the mountains. The way into any community is through their children. Even after visiting the schools a few times – random children yell my name in the streets. I am working on preparing my materials (with my fabulous markers and scissors) this week and I am really looking forward to working in the schools.
I won’t bore you with a long entry about the Virus that I am sure you see on the news daily. But basically, all of the PCVs were given Tamiflu in case of any occurrence here in Nicaragua – currently we do not have one case. We had a meeting at the health center about it and 45 out of the 50 people fell asleep during the three hours. Fascinating. Oh, and I did not fall asleep! Ha. They are just having emergency action plans in place, yada yada. If a case is found in Nicaragua – all PCVs will be put on ‘StandFast’ which means we will not be allowed to leave our sites until further notice. Hopefully it will not come to this! The health center is so frantic they are actually looking for patients now and finding out who has left the country in the last month and going to their house to test them. Nuts.
Highlight of the last two weeks….
MY PACKAGE CAME FROM MY PARENTS!!!! They sent it on February 25th and I received it one the 27th of April. It had Hershey kisses, peanut butter eggs, Girl Scout cookies, my favorite pair of pants, magazines and much more! I never knew how great melted peanut butter eggs were for breakfast. Ha. I have the best parents in the world!
I also received a package from Kimmers. Thanks for your ‘support.’ It is much appreciated girrrrl. I miss you more than you know.
Also, Aklecia is coming to see me!!!! She will be my first visitor and I am super excited to catch up with her and show her my new life here in Nicaragua.
In addition, I started using my Nikon camera! I feel comfortable using it here – especially when I am with someone from the town. I have started a little project for my friend Abel – who needs photos of the youth of Posoltega for the website for his project. I will post the address when I get it!
Mountains
I randomly decided to go to Esetli this past weekend to meet up with some other volunteers without really knowing how long it would take or how to get there. Weird. After a long yet beautiful ride up there, I arrived in Esteli about five hours after leaving Posoltega. I love the mountains so much, their beauty really astonishes me. I was mesmerized most of the ride. That is, until the drunk guy in the first seat got a little too drunk. He randomly got off the bus and quickly got more beer when it stopped. Twice the bus stopped for him to use the bathroom. Only in Nicaragua. We were less than five minutes from my destination when he began vomiting. Ironically, this man had a Phillies baseball hat on (which is really common here!).
A few of us treated ourselves to a wonderful Italian dinner with WINE!!! It was fabulous. Or it was just fabulous because I have been deprived of both of those. Ha. We’ll never know. It was really nice to talk to the other volunteers and see how their first few weeks have gone in their sites.
Jessie, Brad and I also went to a used clothing store that was having a big sale. I got a Rampage bathing suit, two black shirts and a t-shirt that says ‘East End’ for a total of $6.00 U.S. dollars. Annnnd I felt guilty for spending that much. Seriously. Who have I become?
When I got back on Saturday – I made the rounds to the families that have adopted me and went to bed early due to an intense headache.
Seafood Festival
In true Amanda fashion – although I was not feeling very well, I went to the beach on Sunday. They were having a Seafood Festival (which proved to be a bust anyhow...I had a cold fish patty that compared to 9th grade cafeteria food) in Corinto, the nearby beach. I went with my friend Craig from our group and had a great time. The ocean is so healing…or so I thought. When I got back home, I had a little bit of a cough – and felt feverish. But it was hard to decipher whether it was sunburn or a fever. I decided to take some Tylenol and go to bed.
So who guessed it??
I was pretty sick Monday morning. Felt like an intense sinus infection plus a nagging cough. My sinuses have not been top-shape since I moved here due to the intense amount of burning trash and dust I am exposed to daily. I also have not been sleeping incredibly well – and surprisingly not because of the rats. Since I got my fan I think it drowns out the sound of them. But a sound it cannot conquer is that of the two puppies that my family has now decided to tie up in the kitchen (or right on the other side of my wall). I will not even go into my thoughts on this sanitation issue. They puppies fight and whelp all throughout the night and it is impossible to ignore. I have been utilizing my ipod a lot more, but nonetheless I have been sleeping much menos.
I called the Medical Office on Monday and told my doctor my symptoms. She told me to take a regimen of medication and drink lots of fluids and that it was likely a sinus infection. I have been living out of my suitcases because I don’t have any furniture, so I could not find a thermometer, but I was pretty certain that I was burning up. Abel, my new best friend, went and got the medication for me and also brought me some chicken soup and dinner later on Monday evening. I slept on and off all day Monday and felt a little better in the evening. I slept on and off because the kids of the house I am staying in did not have school. The 15 year old boy is in the stage of ‘blaring music loud enough to make a person deaf’ stage. I was unfortunate enough to be sick during two days that he did not go to school. Needless to say it did not help with my headache and fever. I asked him several times to turn it down, but I don’t think he truly understood how sick I was. During the night, my fever broke again and I did not sleep much during our first thunderstorm of the ‘winter’ or rainy season.
I woke up Tuesday feeling worse and did not go to work again. I continued to take the medications and hoped that after 24 hours of taking it I would start to feel better. Instead I was feeling worse and was sweating through my clothes due to having this fever in 105 degree weather. Never have I ever…had to deal with a fever without air conditioning at my disposal. Wow. Needed it. My head no longer felt like a sinus infection, my entire head was pounding and hurt to lift from my pillow. Today’s selection of pounding music was: Reggae. At least it was decent music. I physically turned it down twice throughout the day because I could not hear who was speaking on the telephone, two rooms away. This music can be heard for blocks.
After using Abel’s thermometer and confirming that my fever was still over 100, I called the medical office twice to find out what I should do. While I was waiting for the doctor to call back, the sub-director of our health center came to see me (provoked by my host-mom, I believe). She did a consultation and said that I undoubtedly had an infection in my lungs. As I sat there sweating through my Old Navy t-shirt like it was paper, I tried to understand everything that she was saying. I could tell she was concerned that I had the ‘influenza humana’, or human virus, as she wore a mask to cover her mouth during the consult. I had doubts about letting them treat me, but all I knew was that I wanted to feel better and likely could not travel to Managua in the state I was in. They ended up putting an IV in my hand for rehydration and antibiotics. They said that if my fever and cough were not better by the next day, I would be tested for the human virus. Fabulous.
I felt like I was on a scene from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman or Little House on the Prairie. The IV bag was tied to a rope that was strung across the tin roof my dirt-floor room. Seriously? I almost immediately fell asleep after they put in the IV and didn’t wake up until around 6:00pm when my host-mom/colleague brought me a fried egg, cube of cheese and bread. I devoured it and went back to sleep until my next round of antibiotics at 11:00pm. They told me to turn off my fan because it was likely blowing dust from dirt floor into my face. I was not happy about this. I woke up on and off throughout the night but was feeling a thousand times better.
I woke up feeling incredibly better and the IV was taken out around 7:00am. I showered and immediately began cleaning my room (aka putting all of my things back into my suitcases). I also was washing clothes and my sheets, excited to have the energy to do so. I spoke with the PC doctor on in the morning and she was concerned about getting treatment outside of Peace Corps. She spoke with the doctor here that treated me on the telephone. She thought it would be best to come to Managua to have x-rays of my chest if the coughing and fever continued. I assured her that my fever and headache was much, much better and that the coughing had subsided. I have to be in contact with her twice a day until the end of the week, but I truly do feel so much better. I understand that she needs to know about the treatment I am receiving, but I also feel like I should have been brought into Managua on Monday when I called talking about tightness in my chest. End result, I am alive and feeling much better.
Throughout this whole mess these last two days, Abel found it necessary to tell me that he is in love with me. It went something like this:

Abel: ‘Amanda – do you believe in love at first sight?’
Amanda: ‘Definitely not.’
Abel: ‘Seriously?’
Amanda: ‘Yes seriously. You have to get to know someone before you can have those feelings.’
Abel: ‘I didn’t believe it either until the first time I saw you. I felt something so deep within my heart and was overcome with emotions.’ (Meanwhile I am lying on bed, sweating through my sheets and pretending to pass out)

So. I was not really able to respond to this yesterday – but I did address that whole conversation today. I told him that that was very nice and flattering but that I was not interested in anything with anyone right now and I that I wanted to focus on my work here. He is very respectful and I do not think for a moment that he has any mal-intention, but it is better that I told him directly what was up. He is very helpful (almost to the point of annoyance) and a good friend; I do feel lucky to have met him despite this little love confession.

Well…that about brings you up to date! Ha. I really am feeling much, much better – so no worries (Aunt Raine!) I only have 8 more days until I get to move and I am super-ready and excited. I love you all so much and would love to hear updates on what is going on in your lives.