"At any given time, we are what we are. We must accept the consequences of being ourselves; only through this acceptance can we begin to evolve further. Though we may select the battleground, we cannot avoid the battle..."
k. I am gonna pick up where I left off in the last blog.
Jaws.
So my friend from college came down, John in August. It was not a vacation that went as planned – by any means. But I have to say he was supportive and incredibly patient during his visit. The timing may not have been perfect – with everything that was going on with my house, etc – but none the less, I appreciated it more than he will ever know. We ended up going to San Juan del Sur – one of the biggest tourist attractions in Nicaragua – because of the surf. It is a beautiful little surf town and we stayed at an Irish Pub/Hotel (the owners were a Nicaraguan man and an Irish woman). The town was crawling with surfers and backpackers. We had some great seafood at a restaurant on the beach and some serious sun. We went to one of the beaches a little further away in the back of the hotel owner’s pick-up truck. It was incredibly beautiful. Undoubtedly the most beautiful beach I have ever been to.
When John and I went for a dip in the beautiful Pacific Ocean, we had quite an adventure. First of all, the waves were just a little bit larger than…Bethany Beach. Haha. They were gigantic and crystal clear water. When John and I were about to go under one of this beautiful five-foot wave, as it was crashing we both saw a 4-5 foot…what was assumed to be a shark. I screamed like I was in Jaws…8. We both end up getting knocked out by the wave because neither of us wanted to go under it after seeing the shark. After exiting the washing-machine tumbling of the wave, I proceed to start to run for the shore. John then gets knocked down by another wave – and crashes into me. He then grabs by hand and we start running for the shore. My heart may have reached an all-time high rate. We then proceeded to ask locals if there were sharks or extremely large fish. Both of which they said no. For purposes of saving face – we will stick with the fact that it was a shark (which I truly believe). It was quite an adventure!
Pura Vida
Literally the day that John went to the airport at 4:30am was the day I was leaving for Costa Rica. After speaking with one of my friends in Managua, I realized that I had brought the wrong passport for my trip. We have our normal passports and Peace Corps passports. I brought the normal one (which doesn’t even show that I entered Nicaragua). Long story short, I had to reschedule my bus from 6:00am to 12:00pm and run back to Posoltega to get the right passport (high five Amanda). The company that I went with Tica Bus made the trip very easy (taking care of everything with customs, etc). Without any way of communicating with the girls I was quite nervous if they would be at the bus station as we had originally planned. I arrived in San Jose around 10pm and as I was getting off the bus I saw three very beautiful, yet tired looking muchachas otherwise known as my girlsssssssss. J It was so amazing to see them. They quickly informed me that none of their luggage had arrived with them to Costa Rica. We had to be pretty flexible the next day and went to the airport to retrieve all of their luggage. Afterwards we decided to head off to Zulu-land. Dave aka Zulu is one of our friends from Delaware that is living and working in Costa Rica. He lives in a little surf town on the Pacific Coast, called MalPais. After 4 taxis, 3 buses and a ferry – we arrived in his town. I was pretty impressed with our getting there safe and soundly. Without knowing anything about where he works, how to get there or where we were going to stay – we made it. It ended up working out better than we could have imagined. Dave works at a ‘hotel’ that was actually closing for the rainy season- so we were able to stay there for free for 3 nights. I say hotel, but what I really mean is … paradise. It is basically an exclusive resort tucked away in the hills and overlooking the Pacific ocean. There are only three rooms in this hotel and the only people that stay here are honeymooners and/or celebrities. We could actually see Mel Gibson’s house being built in the distance. It was undoubtedly the nicest place I have ever stayed.
To best explain the relationship between Nicaragua and Costa Rica is to compare it to that of the United States and Mexico. A large number of Nicaraguans go to Costa Rica to work, because Costa Rica is much more advanced (not 3rd world) and offers a lot more opportunities. Also, Nicaraguans work for lower wages. The entire time I was there people were criticizing Nicaraguans, it was difficult for me not to take offense to these comments. It was obvious that I am starting to identify myself with Nicaragua. Costa Rica is beautiful and although poverty still exists there, it felt like I was in America in comparison to the devastating poverty of Nicaragua. Although part of me wanted to show Nicaragua to my three close friends, I was ultimately thankful that we went to Costa Rica. There was a lot less responsibility on me – I was able to actually relax and get a break from translating and feeling like I had to take care of my guests. Unlike Nicaragua – a large number of people in Costa Rica speak English.
We fell in love with this little surf town and … never left. We ended up staying the entire time in MalPais. A lot of memories were made – we laughed a LOT, saw monkeys, had a bachelorette party for Liz, went to the beach, ate some great food, missed a few taxis and a canopy tour, hiked up the ‘mountain’ and drank a lot of beer. In the end we were all broke, a little bit tanner and had managed to fit 6 months of missed girls’ nights into a single week. The last night we had one last dinner in the hostel in San Jose and then I headed out the next morning around 4:30am to head back to Nicaragua. With tears and sleepiness in my eyes, I hugged three of my best friends goodbye – holding onto the fact that I would be seeing them in less than 4 months.
The first half of the trip back to Nicaragua was relatively smooth. I had the furthest back two seats to myself and slept the majority of the ride to the border. I awoke to a less than optimal sight (and smell). These buses have bathrooms – but it is a rule on the bus that you are not allowed to ‘go number two’ because the bus ride is 12 hours or so and they don’t want the bus to smell. In cases of emergencies we were told they would stop for someone. Well, apparently someone had an emergency and did not inform any of the bus staff. I woke up to a man practically falling on my head and then into the aisle. As I wiped my eyes to see more clearly – I realized that this man with pants at his ankles had fallen out of the bathroom, off the toilet and … practically on my lap. And by ankles I mean ankle, because I then soon realized that this poor soul only had one leg. Myself and others helped the man up and let’s just say that the rest of the ride was anything but roses. I held one of my head wraps over my face for the remaining 6 hours. Welcome back to Nicaragua. Ha.
Decided to make a little list of things that I have learned, whether in general or about myself since I have been here in Nicaragua:
1. Silverware is not necessary (forks and knives do not exist here and spoons are luxury)
2. I like cats (they are cleaner than dogs here and eat mice)
3. Microwave popcorn can be emptied out of the bag and put on your two-burner stove and come out just as yummy.
4. Scorpions in the shower are normal
5. Blowing your nose into the air is widely accepted
6. I love Harry Potter
7. Anything can be served in a small plastic baggie (dinner, soda, snack)
8. People will try and sell you anything (lizards on the side of the road)
9. You can fit a 30 minute conversation into 60 seconds when in Nicaragua (minutes expire)
10. Clouds and rain are gifts of God
11. You can celebrate anything (Oct. 10th National Mental Health Day)
12. You are not Nicaraguan if you do not have: plastic chairs in your house, a super-imposed picture of you in Thailand or somewhere outrageous, rocking chairs and/or a hideous metallic mirror.
13. There is no maximum capacity for means of transport (families of 4 on a bicycle or motorcycle, 28 people in the back of a pick-up truck, etc)
14. Privacy is not a part of the culture here (ex: my neighbor asked me today if I was sick – because she heard my fan on at 1pm when I took a little cat nap).
15. Today is all there is – people’s daily activities are surrounded around survival of today.
16. I am having withdrawal from the season Fall. Please take photos. Posoltega weather yesterday: 94 degrees, feels like 104. I thought it was chilly. What.
Dificil
So I would be lying to all of you if I did not address one simple thing about my experience so far here in Nicaragua. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Sometimes I feel like I need to sugar coat things for you all back home – so that you don’t worry about me or maybe for selfish reasons also. But the reality is that this experience has challenged me in ways that I never imagined. Coming into this I anticipated the hardest part being homesick during these two years. Of course I am missing you all more than words can explain – but the real challenges have been much more personal. Challenging the very person I am – the strengths I thought I had – learning new things about myself daily. Before coming to Nicaragua – I felt like I had a good understanding of who I was and where I came from. That is easy to say when you are in your comfort zone because you are … well, comfortable. But being in another culture – away from everything you know – challenges everything you thought you knew. Obviously within these discoveries – are both good and bad findings. Strengths you thought you had, or very well may have had – may be identified as a weakness in another culture or just completely not accepted. This re-discovering of ‘you’ in a new culture causes a lot of questioning and also calls for me to suppress some of my feelings. If I were to stand up for myself every time I was harassed – I would have no time for my project. Where as in the States, it is such an unaccepted part of the culture – the harasser would have charges brought against him within days if I pursued it. That is just a blatant example of what I am trying to explain – but there are countless.
I try to deter from sounding bitter or upset in my blogs – because I chose this experience and I am so lucky to live in a country that has given me this amazing opportunity. In the end of these two years – I know that the personal insight that I will have gained will far outweigh any challenges that I am currently facing. But I also felt I owed it to you all, to also tell you that some days I cry, some days I shut the world out – and some days all I want in the world is to be in Delaware eating some of my Dad’s home-cooking watching an Eagles game with the people that mean most to me in the world.
I am going to end this section with a little excerpt from one of the essays I had to write to get into Peace Corps:
“There is no way to predict what challenges will present during these twenty-seven months of service. The one thing that is certain, however, is that challenges will exist. While the possibility of these challenges and life-changing experiences initially attracted me to apply for the Peace Corps, it is the knowledge that I can overcome adversity and persevere that continues to inspire and compel me. “
Let me Work It.
So. Speaking of challenges. Back in August my boss from Peace Corps called me to ask how things were going in Posoltega. I said ‘pretty well’. And she continued by saying ‘well the Health Center director called me to say that you have not been to the health center in a month.’
Silence… Cricket, Cricket.
The truth is that between my parents visit, John’s visit and Costa Rica – I had been pretty ‘vaga’ that month. And all the work that I had done had been in the schools. My motivation to go to the health center was practically non-existent, for a lot of reasons. I felt like I had no one working with my directly and no real direction or role when I did show up. Long story short – I went with my two bosses to the health center and had a meeting with the director. It ended up going really well – and we all agreed that it was not too late to mend this working relationship. It is important to my PC bosses that I keep an open relationship with the health center for several reasons. They are our main counterpart on a national level – and also I am the first volunteer in my site. My PC boss was very supportive and assured me that being in a new site – this was a typical challenge and that the main source of the problem has been lack of communication (which both the health center director and I took fault for).
The next week was my group’s 5-month in-service training. It is obligatory to take a counterpart from the health center – and I was able to take a nurse named Myra (who I had never worked with prior to the training). It turned out to be great – Myra is a huge sweetheart and I hope to work with her in the future. More than anything – being back with my group was incredibly comforting. We have all faced challenges during our first five months – some similar and some different; but it was incredibly comforting to be with people who knew what I had been going through the last five months. In general, I felt dissatisfied with the amount of work I had done during my first five months – but the training also served as a re-booster and motivated me to get back to my site and start working more.
The last day of IST I got incredibly sick with a bacterial infection and was in Managua for a few days after that during the Nicaraguan holiday. But had some great company in the hotel – Lorna and Ely (two girls from Rio San Juan).
Current update on my work situation: Health Center relationships have only gotten better – I go the health center daily – and the communication has improved tremendously as well. I have not worked in the schools since the meeting with my PC boss because I have been focusing on the health center and mending this relationship. The schools are not very happy – but I cannot make everyone happy, alas.
The health center requested that I ‘reforzar’ or re-form youth groups at the health center and posts (by re-form they mean 5 years ago there were adolescent clubs). Well with a lot of hard work, determination and help from some of the friends here – I have successfully formed two clubs already! One is about 16 adolescents (boys and girls) and we meet Tuesdays and Thursdays. The other is 11 adolescent girls between the ages of 13-19 and we meet Wednesdays and Fridays. I still need to work on planning with someone in the health center to help me with the charlas – but I have already given 2 hour workshops on each topic: Drugs and Alcohol, STDs and Reproductive Health. I am really proud of these two groups and plan on going out into the rural communities now to form more. The goal for me is to have them be self-sustainable groups and help train and form other groups with me (and without me after my service).
(Side note: I asked one of the nursing students to help me with the STD charla and we were discussing what signs of peligro (or warning) were and what normal characteristics were. Some of the kids asked what masturbation was – and I let the nurse take that question. She went on to explain that it was a way for men (exclusively) to relieve their urge to have sex and that it can be addictive. I wish my face could have been video-taped. I obviously went on to explain that this was actually something very natural – that both men and women practice, yada yada. But… seriously!?! That is just an example of what I am up against here.
Quarter.
Turned 25. What? How did that happen. My closest friend here in Nicaragua, Elizabeth’s birthday was the 25th of September and she invited me to Managua to celebrate it with her. We stayed at the nicest hotel in Nicaragua – the bed felt like I was lying on clouds, the brunch was to die for (hashbrowns, real cheese!), a bathtub and much more. We went out to a really nice club called Moods in Managua – and I actually forgot I was in Nicaragua for a night. We had an amazing time – and did not want it to end. So we got extended check-out and stayed in bed a little longer.
The next day I met up with 5 or 6 girls from my group for the Daddy Yankee concert. I know, I paid 30 dollars to see Daddy Yankee. But it was my birthday weekend and choices were limited. Because of whom I was with – I had an amazing time. A girl named Erin from Cincinnati has become one of my favorite people here and we had a ball.
I came back to Posoltega Sunday afternoon and celebrated my birthday Monday by going to the health center and working. I then later had a Piñata party at my house for my favorite kids in the community. It was hilarious – coca-cola, candy and reggaeton. Who could ask for a better birthday?
I also received from some fabulous packages, cards for my birthday from my parents, Aunt Linda and Aunt Gale. Thank you so much for making my birthday so special – even from a distance <3
Platanos & Policia
What started out at 7am as a great day, ended pretty badly on the 3rd of October. I went with the coach of my soccer team and another player to a finca aka farm to cut-down some platanos or bananas with machetes. I was picked up around 7am in a horse drawn carriage (those things are dangerous). The view of the volcanoes from the farm was amazing – and I took a mountain of photos and also fell in love with the daughter of the girl I play with on the soccer team, Mayleng. They also invited me to stay the night at their house in El Bosque, one of the rural communities of my town, because our soccer team was throwing a party to fundraise money for our team. Several girls on our team do not have shoes and play barefoot or in their school shoes – and the league is now enforcing that they wear sneakers or cleats. Well this innocently started evening ended horribly. My camera was stolen and 5 or so platos or fights broke out at the end of the party. For the first time in my life, I witnessed someone get stabbed. Needless to say, I was hiding under a table and frightened as hell as I saw blood pouring through this guy’s shirt.
So. I now do not have a small digital camera (just my larger Nikon) and lost a bunch of photos. There has been a lot of talk about who took the camera – but I obviously cannot be certain. I filed a report with the police – but I know the chances of me finding my camera again are about equal to the odds of winning the Powerball. The owners of my house had a long talk with me after this incident and told me I need to be more careful with who I trust here – and that a lot of people will try and take advantage of me simply because I am not from here. They then went on to tell me things about my soccer coach and that I should not trust her, etc. Well, I really appreciate all of this advice and information – but before the fact would have been nice. Live to learn, Learn to live.
Funny story about the police: the guy that I filed the report with came to my house one night the next week at around 8:30pm. My door was already closed and I was getting ready for bed (I know), but I figured he wanted to talk about the case so I let him in. Only to quickly realize while he was looking at the photos on my wall and calling me ‘simpatica and Hermosa (sweet and beautiful)’ that he was not there to talk about the case. He then proceeded to ask me (in uniform) if he could go buy us some beer. I declined politely and told him I would be going to bed. Sometimes this thought does go through my mind: what is my life?
Last little story: I learned how to milk a cow! I have a video of it but cannot figure out how to upload it on facebook. It was amazing and not as difficult as I anticipated! I then drank the milk – which I do not recommend. Didn’t get sick – but almost gagged while drinking the warm, occasionally hairy whole milk. And then I rode a donkey at 6 in the morning. Normal.
Wellll, I have gotten you all up to date on my life!!! Finally! I hope you all are well. I will be home December 15th – January 3rd and look forward to seeing all of you.
Xoxo Amanda
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Well, it has been months since my last blog – and hopefully my little summary in the last entry explains why that is. I have been quite busy here in Nicaragua (and Costa Rica).
But here I am … in Posoltega. Nicaragua. My Saturday night is going to consist of finally writing this blog to you all. I know – my life is quite exciting. I am going to try and be as brief as possible – while still giving you all a picture of my last 6 weeks or so in Nicaragua. Here we goo…
PADRES
My parents’ visit was quite an experience. I have to admit that I (and my parents) was quite naive about the entire trip. But in the end – I am so, so lucky and thankful to have parents that are adventurous, crazy, loving, devoted and a little naïve enough to come see me in … Nicaragua. To start off, they brought an INSANE amount of things. Which I have no culpability for. Haha. They brought an entire suitcase of toys, books and arts & crafts for the kids of my community. They brought me chocolate, wine, George Foreman grill, Tupperware, books, cereal, cliff bars… the list goes on and on and on. It literally felt like Christmas.
It was obligatory that we rented a car – because we were not about to go on public transportation (aka old school buses from the 1980s) with the 7 or so suitcases they brought. This was an adventure all itself – before we even got into the car. There are some things that you really take for granted in the United States (or any developed country for that matter). For example: car insurance. Does not really exist here. You all should have seen my dad’s face when the guy at the Alamo counter told him this. I think they bought actually contemplated getting back on the plane. It went something like this:
Alamo Guy: ‘okay sir .. this is how insurance works here. If the police report says it’s your fault – you pay…everything.’
Dad: (even though the guy was speaking English) I’m sorry… I must have misunderstood you.
Alamo Guy: ‘you will have to pay $10,000 if it is your fault.’
Dad (thinking):” How can I get a flight back to Philadelphia…today.”
The Alamo guy continued to give my dad suggestions about driving in Nicaragua – such as: ‘don’t let anyone wash your car windows.. they will steal the lights on the windshield wipers’, etc. My dad was overwhelmed with enthusiasm to start this trip.
So that was that. We proceeded by getting lost for about 4 hours trying to find our way to the only all-inclusive resort in Nicaragua. More than 90 percent of the population of Nicaragua is considered impoverished, so asking for directions proved to be more difficult than one can imagine. In the Nicaraguan culture, a lot of times if one does not know the answer – they don’t admit this, they just give some form of an answer (incorrect). As you can imagine – I was incredibly worried about my dad driving in this country. I had only been in public transportation or in a Peace Corps vehicle. So naturally, I had no idea where we were going either. Here there are no road signs, road maps, and sometimes there aren’t even roads.
But there are … policia. Or Police. A motorcycle pulled out in front of my dad and he swerved to not him into the other lane. The police then proceeded to pull us over. My parents speak no Spanish. The police don’t speak English. Hi. The cop was a complete jerk and was not interested in anything that I had to say. He was actually a perfect depiction of what machismo man is like. They ask us to get out of the car and start searching it – I am pretty sure he wanted to find a pound of cocaine or something. I end up getting out of the car – my Spanish is flying out of my mouth faster than I know what I am saying. They tell me they are going to take my dad’s license. I end up crying – pretty sure I was on a soap opera. I end up asking to talk to the supervisor that is there. It went something like this, “I am here working for two years for your country – for free…and this is the first view that you are going to give my parents of your country.” Guess I struck some kind of cord with the supervisor – and he ended up letting us go. Pretty sure the machismo cop was running after the car after we were let go. Needless to say my dad drove incredibly cautious the rest of the way – and I am almost positive my mom asked for an IV of xanax.
We finally made it to the resort around 5pm or so. To get to his incredibly beautiful resort you have to drive through several of the poorest communities in Nicaragua. It gave a glimpse of the real Nicaragua to my parents. But I am pretty sure at this time we were all just interested in the getting the hell out of the car.
The resort was beautiful – but still Nicaragua. There were bugs in the rooms, the A/C was shafty and when you tried to call the front desk – no one picked up. Typical. We decided to stay two nights longer than anticipated after the driving fiasco.
The food was pretty amazing – I consumed things that I hadn’t had in 6 plus months (i.e. mushrooms, pasta, bacon, vodka, multi-grain bread). My parents got sick the 3rd day and were pretty incapacitated for the more than 24 hours. My mom liked to call it ‘Sandanista Soupy Poopy.’ Let us go ahead and say it was not cute.
We headed to Leon (one of the major cities in Nicaragua about 30 minutes from my town) to stay for the next 3 nights. We stayed in a beautiful hotel called La Perla – and the owner was from Green Bay and became my father’s new best friend. One of the things that were most difficult during this trip was that my parents are very much used to being in control and independent– but being that the majority of Nicaragua does not speak English – they were pretty dependent upon me for most of the trip. This was frustrating on both sides of the fence. I had become pretty well-adjusted to some things, such as: the insane heat, walking for miles, the traffic, the bugs, getting lost. Naturally, my parents were experiencing all of these things for the first time – so this created a sort of clash. The best way I can describe it is kind of a reverse culture shock. My two lives colliding.
The best day that we had during our trip was when they came to my town, Posoltega. I was able to introduce them to all of families that I have gotten to know here – and my friends. I think this was a really comforting (yet exhausting) day for my parents. Hopefully at the end of this day they realized I had a lot of people that cared about me in my town. We also went to one of the schools that I had been working at – and they gave out the toys, books, etc. that they had brought. The kids were overwhelmed. As expected, word got out that gringa had presents to give out and before I knew it – there was a line of 20 people outside of my door asking for presents. This was very unwanted attention – but it actually allowed me to meet even more kids within the community. I had to do some damage control for the next few weeks in explaining that my purpose here was not to give them gifts and that this was a special occasion.
In the end – my parents could not have been more supportive and understanding of what I was going through. I am incredibly proud that my parents came to see me – and even more so that we all three made it out alive and still loving each other. Hopefully they were able to get a glimpse of what my life is like here. Somewhere along the way – my parents became my best friends. I am so, so lucky.
I was able to stay strong most of the time that they were here – but after seeing them to the airport – I did not even make it back across the street before completely breaking down. Part of me wanted them to take me with them; part of me didn’t want them to leave. It was a complete mix of emotions – it was even difficult to decipher how I was feeling.
I almost immediately got onto a bus back to Posoltega – only to be in a car accident while en route. No one was hurt thank goodness- but it just seemed I had used up all my good luck for while my dad was driving. The next few days were very difficult (as I was warned by other Peace Corps Volunteers), but I eventually got it together. Especially since I had two more special events coming up. My parents left the 26th of July and my friend John was coming to see me on the 8th of August.
BALLS
My parents brought me an assortment of balls (volleyball, basketball, soccer) and this actually changed my life. I started playing in the street with the kids the day after my parents left. Being with the kids and being active was a great help in dealing with missing my parents. I would say I play at least 3-4 days a week with the kids of my town. I have only had one ball stolen so far – the volleyball. I know who it was – and will never play with those kids again. Obvi. I have already had two injuries while playing in sandals or barefoot in the street. But I feel so guilty wearing my big sneakers – against a 9 year old without shoes. Alas, my feet are suffering the raff of this.
GOLLLLL!!!
I started playing in a girl’s soccer league here in Posoltega. There were of course fights over potential trades of the gringa. Ultimately, I ended up staying with my original team and having a great time. We are in first place out of approximately 20 teams and I am in 3rd place for goals made. I play every Sunday and love it (minus the drunken guys that are yelling to me the entire time I am playing).
Last weekend I joined a volleyball league in Chichigalpa (the town next to me) – and it was super intense. A level much higher than the one in Posoltega. They were wearing knee pads. Serious business. I was not quite as fabulous at volleyball as I am with soccer. I am not sure if I am going to continue playing with them because it is a little far and difficult to leave town at least 4 times a week. We’ll see – I heard rumors there is a team of volleyball here in Posoltega.
BOYS, BOYS, BOYS
So. This is an interesting topic for me here. For a while I anticipated not having a boyfriend here for the entirety of the two years. Then reality set in and I realized two years is a really long time and I got pretty lonely. The other female volunteers and myself have been supporting each other through all of this. Sometimes it is hard to decipher whether Nicaraguan guys are getting cuter – or if my taste is declining. Well regardless of the truth – I decided to accept someone’s request to be their girlfriend. Here there is no casual dating. No friends first. It is kinda like ‘Hi. Nice to meet you – will you be my girlfriend?’ I have been ‘andaring’ with a guy named John since July. He does not have a high school education and works on a bus. I know, I know… I saw my mother’s face when I told her this over skype.
The truth is that I decided to break up with him last week because of a few moments of clarity. He is truly a sweet person and treated me well – but I just need something more. It was very clear to me that I was settling – because of where I am… because I am alone. It is weird to be at an age where you feel like you are ready for something serious – but in a country where you do not see yourself with anyone long-term. Very conflicting. I thought there would be a lot cuter guy volunteers – and this proved to be false. Ha. Anyway, right now I am officially single and constantly telling people that are persuing me that I would like to be alone and that I will not be dating anyone from Posoltega. Privacy does not exist here – it is as though I am always being watched. I may actually be on a reality television show without knowing it. Hermano Grande aka Big Brother does Nicaragua. At the end of the day it is nice to have someone there (obviously) – but the benefits of being by myself right now incredibly outweigh this plus.
MI CASA ES…
So. I got asked to leave the house that I was staying in (with Alba) for several reasons. One being that I had a Nicaraguan boyfriend. Two, being that after I became the neighborhood gym teacher and playing with the kids every day – a lot of kids of the town were in my room (aka Alba’s house). Both of these factors bothered her a lot – and it ended in her telling me that my friend John that was coming to visit could not stay in my house (which was the complete original plan) and later asking me to find another place to live. It is odd how some people open their houses completely willingly to me (the white girl) but are skeptical of their own people. Anyway, I ended up going to Costa Rica and finding a place to move within two days of coming back. It was quite stressful – but I had several options and was helped by my community and also by the Safety and Security guy from Peace Corps. I moved…across the street. Literally. One of the teachers I had been working with lives in a fairly large house with a section that was not being used (previously had been used for an NGO years ago). I have my own bathroom with a toilet (no running water, so I bucket flush), more privacy and they lent me a bed and a desk. They are incredibly sweet and really look after me, but from a distance. It has been quite an adjustment – because what I do not have there is a … sink or a kitchen of any kind. I bought a little two burner counter-top stove but still have no kitchen. I pay a women about $2 to wash my clothes and iron them. I wash my food and my dishes in the shower (or if it’s raining I just step outside). Not quite sanitary – but I am working on it. Oh! And this house has a real roof, which means it is so, so much cooler. My friend actually said it felt like air conditioning the other day – haha.
Okay, I am not done writing – but I am going to post this part to give you all something before I leave Managua today. I love and miss you all! I cannot believe I am 25 years old. I think it is going to be a fabulous year. And I will be home in less than 75 days! (Not counting at all). I will keep writing and hope to hear little updates on your all as well.
Love,
Amanda
But here I am … in Posoltega. Nicaragua. My Saturday night is going to consist of finally writing this blog to you all. I know – my life is quite exciting. I am going to try and be as brief as possible – while still giving you all a picture of my last 6 weeks or so in Nicaragua. Here we goo…
PADRES
My parents’ visit was quite an experience. I have to admit that I (and my parents) was quite naive about the entire trip. But in the end – I am so, so lucky and thankful to have parents that are adventurous, crazy, loving, devoted and a little naïve enough to come see me in … Nicaragua. To start off, they brought an INSANE amount of things. Which I have no culpability for. Haha. They brought an entire suitcase of toys, books and arts & crafts for the kids of my community. They brought me chocolate, wine, George Foreman grill, Tupperware, books, cereal, cliff bars… the list goes on and on and on. It literally felt like Christmas.
It was obligatory that we rented a car – because we were not about to go on public transportation (aka old school buses from the 1980s) with the 7 or so suitcases they brought. This was an adventure all itself – before we even got into the car. There are some things that you really take for granted in the United States (or any developed country for that matter). For example: car insurance. Does not really exist here. You all should have seen my dad’s face when the guy at the Alamo counter told him this. I think they bought actually contemplated getting back on the plane. It went something like this:
Alamo Guy: ‘okay sir .. this is how insurance works here. If the police report says it’s your fault – you pay…everything.’
Dad: (even though the guy was speaking English) I’m sorry… I must have misunderstood you.
Alamo Guy: ‘you will have to pay $10,000 if it is your fault.’
Dad (thinking):” How can I get a flight back to Philadelphia…today.”
The Alamo guy continued to give my dad suggestions about driving in Nicaragua – such as: ‘don’t let anyone wash your car windows.. they will steal the lights on the windshield wipers’, etc. My dad was overwhelmed with enthusiasm to start this trip.
So that was that. We proceeded by getting lost for about 4 hours trying to find our way to the only all-inclusive resort in Nicaragua. More than 90 percent of the population of Nicaragua is considered impoverished, so asking for directions proved to be more difficult than one can imagine. In the Nicaraguan culture, a lot of times if one does not know the answer – they don’t admit this, they just give some form of an answer (incorrect). As you can imagine – I was incredibly worried about my dad driving in this country. I had only been in public transportation or in a Peace Corps vehicle. So naturally, I had no idea where we were going either. Here there are no road signs, road maps, and sometimes there aren’t even roads.
But there are … policia. Or Police. A motorcycle pulled out in front of my dad and he swerved to not him into the other lane. The police then proceeded to pull us over. My parents speak no Spanish. The police don’t speak English. Hi. The cop was a complete jerk and was not interested in anything that I had to say. He was actually a perfect depiction of what machismo man is like. They ask us to get out of the car and start searching it – I am pretty sure he wanted to find a pound of cocaine or something. I end up getting out of the car – my Spanish is flying out of my mouth faster than I know what I am saying. They tell me they are going to take my dad’s license. I end up crying – pretty sure I was on a soap opera. I end up asking to talk to the supervisor that is there. It went something like this, “I am here working for two years for your country – for free…and this is the first view that you are going to give my parents of your country.” Guess I struck some kind of cord with the supervisor – and he ended up letting us go. Pretty sure the machismo cop was running after the car after we were let go. Needless to say my dad drove incredibly cautious the rest of the way – and I am almost positive my mom asked for an IV of xanax.
We finally made it to the resort around 5pm or so. To get to his incredibly beautiful resort you have to drive through several of the poorest communities in Nicaragua. It gave a glimpse of the real Nicaragua to my parents. But I am pretty sure at this time we were all just interested in the getting the hell out of the car.
The resort was beautiful – but still Nicaragua. There were bugs in the rooms, the A/C was shafty and when you tried to call the front desk – no one picked up. Typical. We decided to stay two nights longer than anticipated after the driving fiasco.
The food was pretty amazing – I consumed things that I hadn’t had in 6 plus months (i.e. mushrooms, pasta, bacon, vodka, multi-grain bread). My parents got sick the 3rd day and were pretty incapacitated for the more than 24 hours. My mom liked to call it ‘Sandanista Soupy Poopy.’ Let us go ahead and say it was not cute.
We headed to Leon (one of the major cities in Nicaragua about 30 minutes from my town) to stay for the next 3 nights. We stayed in a beautiful hotel called La Perla – and the owner was from Green Bay and became my father’s new best friend. One of the things that were most difficult during this trip was that my parents are very much used to being in control and independent– but being that the majority of Nicaragua does not speak English – they were pretty dependent upon me for most of the trip. This was frustrating on both sides of the fence. I had become pretty well-adjusted to some things, such as: the insane heat, walking for miles, the traffic, the bugs, getting lost. Naturally, my parents were experiencing all of these things for the first time – so this created a sort of clash. The best way I can describe it is kind of a reverse culture shock. My two lives colliding.
The best day that we had during our trip was when they came to my town, Posoltega. I was able to introduce them to all of families that I have gotten to know here – and my friends. I think this was a really comforting (yet exhausting) day for my parents. Hopefully at the end of this day they realized I had a lot of people that cared about me in my town. We also went to one of the schools that I had been working at – and they gave out the toys, books, etc. that they had brought. The kids were overwhelmed. As expected, word got out that gringa had presents to give out and before I knew it – there was a line of 20 people outside of my door asking for presents. This was very unwanted attention – but it actually allowed me to meet even more kids within the community. I had to do some damage control for the next few weeks in explaining that my purpose here was not to give them gifts and that this was a special occasion.
In the end – my parents could not have been more supportive and understanding of what I was going through. I am incredibly proud that my parents came to see me – and even more so that we all three made it out alive and still loving each other. Hopefully they were able to get a glimpse of what my life is like here. Somewhere along the way – my parents became my best friends. I am so, so lucky.
I was able to stay strong most of the time that they were here – but after seeing them to the airport – I did not even make it back across the street before completely breaking down. Part of me wanted them to take me with them; part of me didn’t want them to leave. It was a complete mix of emotions – it was even difficult to decipher how I was feeling.
I almost immediately got onto a bus back to Posoltega – only to be in a car accident while en route. No one was hurt thank goodness- but it just seemed I had used up all my good luck for while my dad was driving. The next few days were very difficult (as I was warned by other Peace Corps Volunteers), but I eventually got it together. Especially since I had two more special events coming up. My parents left the 26th of July and my friend John was coming to see me on the 8th of August.
BALLS
My parents brought me an assortment of balls (volleyball, basketball, soccer) and this actually changed my life. I started playing in the street with the kids the day after my parents left. Being with the kids and being active was a great help in dealing with missing my parents. I would say I play at least 3-4 days a week with the kids of my town. I have only had one ball stolen so far – the volleyball. I know who it was – and will never play with those kids again. Obvi. I have already had two injuries while playing in sandals or barefoot in the street. But I feel so guilty wearing my big sneakers – against a 9 year old without shoes. Alas, my feet are suffering the raff of this.
GOLLLLL!!!
I started playing in a girl’s soccer league here in Posoltega. There were of course fights over potential trades of the gringa. Ultimately, I ended up staying with my original team and having a great time. We are in first place out of approximately 20 teams and I am in 3rd place for goals made. I play every Sunday and love it (minus the drunken guys that are yelling to me the entire time I am playing).
Last weekend I joined a volleyball league in Chichigalpa (the town next to me) – and it was super intense. A level much higher than the one in Posoltega. They were wearing knee pads. Serious business. I was not quite as fabulous at volleyball as I am with soccer. I am not sure if I am going to continue playing with them because it is a little far and difficult to leave town at least 4 times a week. We’ll see – I heard rumors there is a team of volleyball here in Posoltega.
BOYS, BOYS, BOYS
So. This is an interesting topic for me here. For a while I anticipated not having a boyfriend here for the entirety of the two years. Then reality set in and I realized two years is a really long time and I got pretty lonely. The other female volunteers and myself have been supporting each other through all of this. Sometimes it is hard to decipher whether Nicaraguan guys are getting cuter – or if my taste is declining. Well regardless of the truth – I decided to accept someone’s request to be their girlfriend. Here there is no casual dating. No friends first. It is kinda like ‘Hi. Nice to meet you – will you be my girlfriend?’ I have been ‘andaring’ with a guy named John since July. He does not have a high school education and works on a bus. I know, I know… I saw my mother’s face when I told her this over skype.
The truth is that I decided to break up with him last week because of a few moments of clarity. He is truly a sweet person and treated me well – but I just need something more. It was very clear to me that I was settling – because of where I am… because I am alone. It is weird to be at an age where you feel like you are ready for something serious – but in a country where you do not see yourself with anyone long-term. Very conflicting. I thought there would be a lot cuter guy volunteers – and this proved to be false. Ha. Anyway, right now I am officially single and constantly telling people that are persuing me that I would like to be alone and that I will not be dating anyone from Posoltega. Privacy does not exist here – it is as though I am always being watched. I may actually be on a reality television show without knowing it. Hermano Grande aka Big Brother does Nicaragua. At the end of the day it is nice to have someone there (obviously) – but the benefits of being by myself right now incredibly outweigh this plus.
MI CASA ES…
So. I got asked to leave the house that I was staying in (with Alba) for several reasons. One being that I had a Nicaraguan boyfriend. Two, being that after I became the neighborhood gym teacher and playing with the kids every day – a lot of kids of the town were in my room (aka Alba’s house). Both of these factors bothered her a lot – and it ended in her telling me that my friend John that was coming to visit could not stay in my house (which was the complete original plan) and later asking me to find another place to live. It is odd how some people open their houses completely willingly to me (the white girl) but are skeptical of their own people. Anyway, I ended up going to Costa Rica and finding a place to move within two days of coming back. It was quite stressful – but I had several options and was helped by my community and also by the Safety and Security guy from Peace Corps. I moved…across the street. Literally. One of the teachers I had been working with lives in a fairly large house with a section that was not being used (previously had been used for an NGO years ago). I have my own bathroom with a toilet (no running water, so I bucket flush), more privacy and they lent me a bed and a desk. They are incredibly sweet and really look after me, but from a distance. It has been quite an adjustment – because what I do not have there is a … sink or a kitchen of any kind. I bought a little two burner counter-top stove but still have no kitchen. I pay a women about $2 to wash my clothes and iron them. I wash my food and my dishes in the shower (or if it’s raining I just step outside). Not quite sanitary – but I am working on it. Oh! And this house has a real roof, which means it is so, so much cooler. My friend actually said it felt like air conditioning the other day – haha.
Okay, I am not done writing – but I am going to post this part to give you all something before I leave Managua today. I love and miss you all! I cannot believe I am 25 years old. I think it is going to be a fabulous year. And I will be home in less than 75 days! (Not counting at all). I will keep writing and hope to hear little updates on your all as well.
Love,
Amanda
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
still truckin!
So. I just wanted to apologize and let everyone know I am alive and well here in Nicaragua still. The next blog is in the makings... and it will be a doozy. Since my last blog my parents visited, my good friend John from college visited, I went to Costa Rica with the girls, moved to a new house, got a boyfriend and joined a soccer league. phew. I will obviouslly elaborate on all of these in the blog. But there is a snapshot.
I miss you all like crazy and look forward to hearing how you are doing.
With all the love I possess,
Amanda
I miss you all like crazy and look forward to hearing how you are doing.
With all the love I possess,
Amanda
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Beautiful Day
July 11th, 2009
Helloooo United States. I hope this blog finds everyone well and you are all enjoying your summer. Happy belated 4th of July! I think being here has made me even more patriotic and thankful to be an American! I wanted to write a quick blog this weekend because basically the next two weeks I will be pretty occupied. Monday I go to a Spanish workshop for a week in Masaya with the other volunteers in my group who did not test out at Advanced at the end of training. In my town will be … Hana! So clearly, I am pretty excited. Then on the 17th…my parents will be here! Ah. What an exciting two weeks I have coming up here.
I just got done eating half of a watermelon sitting in my hammock. It is actually the coolest morning since I have been here – the wind has kicked up – must be a storm coming. It is only about 65 degrees and it feels like a spring morning – it is beautiful! Okay, here we go…
Break it down…
So a combination of factors caused me to have a slight breakdown in the health center two Mondays ago. Two people approached me in the health center (the sub-director and the woman I used to live with) to talk about the lack of work I had been doing. Also, the woman I used to be living with wanted to know if I had been spreading rumors about her daughters – saying that they stole from me when I was living with them and this was why I moved. Ahem. What. These little girls are 10 years old and are nothing but the sweetest kids – wish I could say the same for their mother. I rally disregarded this and told her that if this had happened that I would have said something directly to her. She then went on to tell me that the family that I spend a lot of time with probably invented the rumor because they like to start gossip. Blah blah blah. Anyway, the sub-director and Guadalupe told me that I am spending too much time in the schools and that I need to be doing more with the health center. It is hard enough to explain feelings in your own native language – but try it in another one. Difficult. I tried my best to explain that I did not feel utilized and this was why I was working outside of the health center. My former counterpart, who retired, Sozima, was incredibly supportive along with another doctor.
I ended up speaking directly to the health center director that morning after I got myself together. I explained that I was not away from my family and friends, the people I love most in the world – to ‘pasear’ or just vacation here in Nicaragua. That my objective is to work and form projects but that I have felt incredibly lost and without a role in the health center for a combination of factors. The reality is, that we are all learning. It is the first time I am a Peace Corps volunteer and the first time this health center has had one. Being a first-generation volunteer was part of what attracted me to Posoltega. Ha. I do believe in the long-run it will still turn out to be a good decision – but right now I am facing many obstacles and barriers to just finding a role at the health center. There are several volunteers in the group before me that do not work with the health center at all because of the disorganization and lack of work – but I am not ready to give up quite yet. The conversation went well with the director and we agreed to speak directly from now on to avoid chisme or gossip/rumors. She went on to explain that this is a part of the Nicaraguan culture and that people love to make up rumors, especially in the health center. And, naturally – who better to talk about then the random white-girl in your place of employment. I get it, I do. A lot of what I need to do is internal work – and accept that people are going to talk about me – no matter what. What matters most – is at the end of the day I can say that I am doing my best – wherever that may be – and be proud of the work I am doing.
It is pretty amazing – coming into this experience I felt like I was a pretty confident person – confident in my abilities on many levels. Being in another culture, being different from everyone else – really challenges everything you know about yourself. Especially your confidence. Everyone really is always talking about you; you really are different.
One of the best conversations I have had over the past week of processing my life here in Nicaragua was last weekend with another volunteer Jill (who unfortunately is about 20 hours away from me). The topic of the conversation was adaptation in your community. Peace Corps drills this into our heads that this is a huge part of your work – and that it is essential to sustainability of any projects or work you do throughout your two years. Although I do agree with this mentality – it is a double-sided coin. Although it is essential to be open to adapting to certain things within your community – it is equally if not more important to hold on to what you know and even more so who you are. If I made my service solely about adapting to this culture (and essentially becoming Nicaraguan) – I am completely missing the boat. Jill gave an example of when she was talking with one of the men from her community who boasts about the dozen children he has from different women. The fully ‘adapted’ person would either laugh along with the man or say nothing – as this is an accepted behavior in this culture. Jill, being Jill, said that it was ridiculous and went on to ask him how he supported them. This is not necessarily imposing another culture on this man, it is simply showing him that some people in the world do not accept this – and are actually appalled by it. I think over the past month or so I have been focusing so much on ‘adapting’ that I was forgetting about the other side of it – and staying true to myself. Although I have not condoned any pimp-daddy Nicaraguans – I have not been staying true to myself. I have not been relying on the very things that I know make me happy. Like playing sports, photography, etc. I have been focusing so much on not standing out, that I have not been fair to myself – and therefore only contributing to the feelings of lost and lonely. People are going to talk about me anyway – I might as well be doing things that I love and make me happy in the meantime. This all might so quite simple and mundane to all of you – but I cannot really explain how vital this revelation is to me completing these two years of service. I will continue to take it day-to-day but I am currently feeling so grateful for the place I am in right now. It’s as though I can feel the tides turning – except that I control this tide. I control my happiness. We are all essentially products of our own cultures, but underneath it all – we are… who we are, no matter where we are. So simple and equally so difficult to grasp.
Chichigalpa
The closest ‘big’ town in proximity to me in Posoltgea. I had always passed through it to go to Chinandgea but never actually explored the town until two weeks ago. It is … amazing! I met two nursing students the day of my ‘breakdown’ in the health center – and they immediately invited me to their town and house, etc. One of the most beautiful parts of this culture. I actually ended up having a ‘sleepover’ with them two days later and they showed me around Chichigalpa. I should have known I would like this town – it produced all of the Flor de Caña or rum in the country. Ha. It is a really cute town but more than anything I was excited that they have 5 gyms! And women were in these gyms – so crazy! It is a 25 cent bus ride to this town and about 15 minutes. We also observed a ballet class going on with approximately 20 young boys in it. This shocked and thrilled me beyond words. Talk about a serious example contra this machismo culture. We also had some of the best pizza I have had here in Nicaragua and then went to watch a basketball game in a covered court that is nicer than my high schools. The family of Juniette, the nursing student, has already asked me to move there. It would be pretty sweet – but don’t think I can pull it off. I just feel lucky it is so close! I am going there later today and will be spending the night again because tomorrow hopefully I will be joining a softball team over there! Ah! So exciting.
4th
Some other girls from my group and I went to Granada last weekend to celebrate the 4th of July. The weekend in general was the most money I have spent since being in Nicaragua – without a doubt. Granada is one of the touristiest towns in Nicaragua – and caters to gringos. Although this was a nice treat to be around some people from the U.S. and eat some fabulous food – I could not do it for more than a weekend. Granada is actually the site assignment for three volunteers. Friday I had some HUMMUS (holy heck I miss that), nachos and margaritas. Later that night we went out to a club – and it really was a club. Ha. But in true Nica-fashion it took 35 minutes to get a drink. Saturday we all went to an all you can eat barbeque to celebrate the 4th. Had a hot dog, hamburger, potato salad and green bean casserole – didn’t quite compare to my dad’s barbequing – but it was a nice way to celebrate the 4th. No fireworks – but Nicaraguans use them on a weekly basis – so I did not feel without. Sunday was the best day of all – Jill and I went to the Laguna de Apoyo which is a volcanic crater. This might be my favorite place in Nicaragua so far – it was incredibly relaxing and gave me a chance to really just reflect and have great conversations with Jill. On the ride back to Granada we met two RPVC, or returned Peace Corps volunteers. One from 2007 in the Dominican Republic and one from Brazil who served during the years 1964-1966. Seriously. We talked the entire ride back to Granada about his experience and his life currently in Raleigh, NC. He said he chose to do the Peace Corps as an alternative option to going to war. Wow. And I thought I was lucky for missing part of the recession.
Medical
So I had a few medical things that I had been avoiding taking care of – so I went to the medical office for the first time on Monday. I really will never have better healthcare than I have right now – so I might as well take advantage of it. As everything in this country – things took way longer than they should have – so I was put up in a hotel in Managua for the night. I was initially annoyed – but then realized having a night of air condition, cable and internet was not a punishment. Ha. I met some other volunteers staying in the hotel and two volunteers from group and we all went out to dinner for burritos, nachos and beers. It was a good finale to my long American weekend. I was able to skype my parents, John and Kimmy – and it was fabulous to see all of their faces. It was hard to force myself to head back to Posoltega – but it has to be done. On the micro-bus to Leon I met two girls from San Francisco who were here vacationing on their summer vacation (teachers). One of the girls will be here until August – and I will hopefully meet up with her at some point. I love meeting fun people that love to travel!
Bat cave
So my house is still going pretty well – I was without a door for almost two weeks, but I now have the most beautiful door and my own access to the house/my room from the street. The only drawback is that when it rains – water runs under the door and creates a sort of river in my room. Nothing in this world is free. Ha. I think I really like it – because when I am here I leave it open and get to be more visible to the community. Pretty much any kid from the community stops in and likes to look at my stuff and photos. Actually, Kimmy – there is a guy here that is only 15 … but he tried to make out with you via picture two nights ago. True story.
Last night I got up to go the bathroom – as always – in the middle of the night. There were a swarm of bats in the middle of the house (which is an open patio) and I am pretty sure I was starring in a Batman movie. Was ducking, screaming and maybe even did a tuck and roll. Bats are scary! Anyway, made it to the bathroom without any harm.
The only real hiccup since I have been in this house – was a few weeks ago when my good friend Abel told me that the landlady was upset about the electricity bill. I imagined that it was 100s of cordobas higher and started to feel awful. I went to her directly to talk about it (part of this custom I do not like … they are not very direct) and sort it all out before it got out of hand. She was at first defensive and showed me a copy of the bill when I did not live there to compare it to the new one. It was a whopping… 40 cordobas higher. That is two dollars. I pay her 50 dollars a month. I tried to be sensitive to the fact that every cordoba counts here – and explained that I would not be in the house two weeks out of July – but that I would also try to use less electricity. I mean I hope if nothing this story helps give you a little perspective of what a different world this is. 2 dollars more!!! To save 8 cordobas I have been walking 25 minutes to the health center since I have lived here – until now! Now I have been riding a bike and it is sooo much faster and more fun. Ha. I was going to buy one – but Abel has offered to let me use it whenever I want – so I am gonna let this play out and see how it goes. So far so good. Anyway. The conversation ended well – and she said she understands how hard it is to be away from everyone you love –and I encouraged her to talk to me directly about any problems she has. Because Abel is always trying to speak in English to me – I think she got the impression that I do not understand a lick of Spanish. I assured her that I can understand what she is saying – and it would be better to speak directly. Hopefully we nipped that in the butt before anything serious occurred. Like me having to find a new place to live. Ha.
Yesterday I played softball and soccer for a total of 3 hours – and my entire body is hurting this morning, and I … love it! Ha. It feels great. We played right next to a river with the volcano in the backdrop of our game. Oh, and I may be out of shape but I can still got it. Hit a double with the wooden bat made with a machete right before the game.
I love you all so much and I hope you all know how much I think about you and how THANKFUL I am to have all this love and support pushing me forward and holding me up. Miss you all more than you know <3 December will be here before we even know it. Cannot believe I have been here for 6 months already. Days go by slow but weeks truly do fly by. Love you all.
Helloooo United States. I hope this blog finds everyone well and you are all enjoying your summer. Happy belated 4th of July! I think being here has made me even more patriotic and thankful to be an American! I wanted to write a quick blog this weekend because basically the next two weeks I will be pretty occupied. Monday I go to a Spanish workshop for a week in Masaya with the other volunteers in my group who did not test out at Advanced at the end of training. In my town will be … Hana! So clearly, I am pretty excited. Then on the 17th…my parents will be here! Ah. What an exciting two weeks I have coming up here.
I just got done eating half of a watermelon sitting in my hammock. It is actually the coolest morning since I have been here – the wind has kicked up – must be a storm coming. It is only about 65 degrees and it feels like a spring morning – it is beautiful! Okay, here we go…
Break it down…
So a combination of factors caused me to have a slight breakdown in the health center two Mondays ago. Two people approached me in the health center (the sub-director and the woman I used to live with) to talk about the lack of work I had been doing. Also, the woman I used to be living with wanted to know if I had been spreading rumors about her daughters – saying that they stole from me when I was living with them and this was why I moved. Ahem. What. These little girls are 10 years old and are nothing but the sweetest kids – wish I could say the same for their mother. I rally disregarded this and told her that if this had happened that I would have said something directly to her. She then went on to tell me that the family that I spend a lot of time with probably invented the rumor because they like to start gossip. Blah blah blah. Anyway, the sub-director and Guadalupe told me that I am spending too much time in the schools and that I need to be doing more with the health center. It is hard enough to explain feelings in your own native language – but try it in another one. Difficult. I tried my best to explain that I did not feel utilized and this was why I was working outside of the health center. My former counterpart, who retired, Sozima, was incredibly supportive along with another doctor.
I ended up speaking directly to the health center director that morning after I got myself together. I explained that I was not away from my family and friends, the people I love most in the world – to ‘pasear’ or just vacation here in Nicaragua. That my objective is to work and form projects but that I have felt incredibly lost and without a role in the health center for a combination of factors. The reality is, that we are all learning. It is the first time I am a Peace Corps volunteer and the first time this health center has had one. Being a first-generation volunteer was part of what attracted me to Posoltega. Ha. I do believe in the long-run it will still turn out to be a good decision – but right now I am facing many obstacles and barriers to just finding a role at the health center. There are several volunteers in the group before me that do not work with the health center at all because of the disorganization and lack of work – but I am not ready to give up quite yet. The conversation went well with the director and we agreed to speak directly from now on to avoid chisme or gossip/rumors. She went on to explain that this is a part of the Nicaraguan culture and that people love to make up rumors, especially in the health center. And, naturally – who better to talk about then the random white-girl in your place of employment. I get it, I do. A lot of what I need to do is internal work – and accept that people are going to talk about me – no matter what. What matters most – is at the end of the day I can say that I am doing my best – wherever that may be – and be proud of the work I am doing.
It is pretty amazing – coming into this experience I felt like I was a pretty confident person – confident in my abilities on many levels. Being in another culture, being different from everyone else – really challenges everything you know about yourself. Especially your confidence. Everyone really is always talking about you; you really are different.
One of the best conversations I have had over the past week of processing my life here in Nicaragua was last weekend with another volunteer Jill (who unfortunately is about 20 hours away from me). The topic of the conversation was adaptation in your community. Peace Corps drills this into our heads that this is a huge part of your work – and that it is essential to sustainability of any projects or work you do throughout your two years. Although I do agree with this mentality – it is a double-sided coin. Although it is essential to be open to adapting to certain things within your community – it is equally if not more important to hold on to what you know and even more so who you are. If I made my service solely about adapting to this culture (and essentially becoming Nicaraguan) – I am completely missing the boat. Jill gave an example of when she was talking with one of the men from her community who boasts about the dozen children he has from different women. The fully ‘adapted’ person would either laugh along with the man or say nothing – as this is an accepted behavior in this culture. Jill, being Jill, said that it was ridiculous and went on to ask him how he supported them. This is not necessarily imposing another culture on this man, it is simply showing him that some people in the world do not accept this – and are actually appalled by it. I think over the past month or so I have been focusing so much on ‘adapting’ that I was forgetting about the other side of it – and staying true to myself. Although I have not condoned any pimp-daddy Nicaraguans – I have not been staying true to myself. I have not been relying on the very things that I know make me happy. Like playing sports, photography, etc. I have been focusing so much on not standing out, that I have not been fair to myself – and therefore only contributing to the feelings of lost and lonely. People are going to talk about me anyway – I might as well be doing things that I love and make me happy in the meantime. This all might so quite simple and mundane to all of you – but I cannot really explain how vital this revelation is to me completing these two years of service. I will continue to take it day-to-day but I am currently feeling so grateful for the place I am in right now. It’s as though I can feel the tides turning – except that I control this tide. I control my happiness. We are all essentially products of our own cultures, but underneath it all – we are… who we are, no matter where we are. So simple and equally so difficult to grasp.
Chichigalpa
The closest ‘big’ town in proximity to me in Posoltgea. I had always passed through it to go to Chinandgea but never actually explored the town until two weeks ago. It is … amazing! I met two nursing students the day of my ‘breakdown’ in the health center – and they immediately invited me to their town and house, etc. One of the most beautiful parts of this culture. I actually ended up having a ‘sleepover’ with them two days later and they showed me around Chichigalpa. I should have known I would like this town – it produced all of the Flor de Caña or rum in the country. Ha. It is a really cute town but more than anything I was excited that they have 5 gyms! And women were in these gyms – so crazy! It is a 25 cent bus ride to this town and about 15 minutes. We also observed a ballet class going on with approximately 20 young boys in it. This shocked and thrilled me beyond words. Talk about a serious example contra this machismo culture. We also had some of the best pizza I have had here in Nicaragua and then went to watch a basketball game in a covered court that is nicer than my high schools. The family of Juniette, the nursing student, has already asked me to move there. It would be pretty sweet – but don’t think I can pull it off. I just feel lucky it is so close! I am going there later today and will be spending the night again because tomorrow hopefully I will be joining a softball team over there! Ah! So exciting.
4th
Some other girls from my group and I went to Granada last weekend to celebrate the 4th of July. The weekend in general was the most money I have spent since being in Nicaragua – without a doubt. Granada is one of the touristiest towns in Nicaragua – and caters to gringos. Although this was a nice treat to be around some people from the U.S. and eat some fabulous food – I could not do it for more than a weekend. Granada is actually the site assignment for three volunteers. Friday I had some HUMMUS (holy heck I miss that), nachos and margaritas. Later that night we went out to a club – and it really was a club. Ha. But in true Nica-fashion it took 35 minutes to get a drink. Saturday we all went to an all you can eat barbeque to celebrate the 4th. Had a hot dog, hamburger, potato salad and green bean casserole – didn’t quite compare to my dad’s barbequing – but it was a nice way to celebrate the 4th. No fireworks – but Nicaraguans use them on a weekly basis – so I did not feel without. Sunday was the best day of all – Jill and I went to the Laguna de Apoyo which is a volcanic crater. This might be my favorite place in Nicaragua so far – it was incredibly relaxing and gave me a chance to really just reflect and have great conversations with Jill. On the ride back to Granada we met two RPVC, or returned Peace Corps volunteers. One from 2007 in the Dominican Republic and one from Brazil who served during the years 1964-1966. Seriously. We talked the entire ride back to Granada about his experience and his life currently in Raleigh, NC. He said he chose to do the Peace Corps as an alternative option to going to war. Wow. And I thought I was lucky for missing part of the recession.
Medical
So I had a few medical things that I had been avoiding taking care of – so I went to the medical office for the first time on Monday. I really will never have better healthcare than I have right now – so I might as well take advantage of it. As everything in this country – things took way longer than they should have – so I was put up in a hotel in Managua for the night. I was initially annoyed – but then realized having a night of air condition, cable and internet was not a punishment. Ha. I met some other volunteers staying in the hotel and two volunteers from group and we all went out to dinner for burritos, nachos and beers. It was a good finale to my long American weekend. I was able to skype my parents, John and Kimmy – and it was fabulous to see all of their faces. It was hard to force myself to head back to Posoltega – but it has to be done. On the micro-bus to Leon I met two girls from San Francisco who were here vacationing on their summer vacation (teachers). One of the girls will be here until August – and I will hopefully meet up with her at some point. I love meeting fun people that love to travel!
Bat cave
So my house is still going pretty well – I was without a door for almost two weeks, but I now have the most beautiful door and my own access to the house/my room from the street. The only drawback is that when it rains – water runs under the door and creates a sort of river in my room. Nothing in this world is free. Ha. I think I really like it – because when I am here I leave it open and get to be more visible to the community. Pretty much any kid from the community stops in and likes to look at my stuff and photos. Actually, Kimmy – there is a guy here that is only 15 … but he tried to make out with you via picture two nights ago. True story.
Last night I got up to go the bathroom – as always – in the middle of the night. There were a swarm of bats in the middle of the house (which is an open patio) and I am pretty sure I was starring in a Batman movie. Was ducking, screaming and maybe even did a tuck and roll. Bats are scary! Anyway, made it to the bathroom without any harm.
The only real hiccup since I have been in this house – was a few weeks ago when my good friend Abel told me that the landlady was upset about the electricity bill. I imagined that it was 100s of cordobas higher and started to feel awful. I went to her directly to talk about it (part of this custom I do not like … they are not very direct) and sort it all out before it got out of hand. She was at first defensive and showed me a copy of the bill when I did not live there to compare it to the new one. It was a whopping… 40 cordobas higher. That is two dollars. I pay her 50 dollars a month. I tried to be sensitive to the fact that every cordoba counts here – and explained that I would not be in the house two weeks out of July – but that I would also try to use less electricity. I mean I hope if nothing this story helps give you a little perspective of what a different world this is. 2 dollars more!!! To save 8 cordobas I have been walking 25 minutes to the health center since I have lived here – until now! Now I have been riding a bike and it is sooo much faster and more fun. Ha. I was going to buy one – but Abel has offered to let me use it whenever I want – so I am gonna let this play out and see how it goes. So far so good. Anyway. The conversation ended well – and she said she understands how hard it is to be away from everyone you love –and I encouraged her to talk to me directly about any problems she has. Because Abel is always trying to speak in English to me – I think she got the impression that I do not understand a lick of Spanish. I assured her that I can understand what she is saying – and it would be better to speak directly. Hopefully we nipped that in the butt before anything serious occurred. Like me having to find a new place to live. Ha.
Yesterday I played softball and soccer for a total of 3 hours – and my entire body is hurting this morning, and I … love it! Ha. It feels great. We played right next to a river with the volcano in the backdrop of our game. Oh, and I may be out of shape but I can still got it. Hit a double with the wooden bat made with a machete right before the game.
I love you all so much and I hope you all know how much I think about you and how THANKFUL I am to have all this love and support pushing me forward and holding me up. Miss you all more than you know <3 December will be here before we even know it. Cannot believe I have been here for 6 months already. Days go by slow but weeks truly do fly by. Love you all.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
My So-Called Life
Hello everyone! I know this is incredibly overdue but to be honest my motivation level for writing has been nil these past few weeks. I would be lying to you all if I did not admit that these past few weeks have been the most difficult of my journey so far. Nothing particular happened and this is … the problem. Ha. Never have I ever…had so much free time in my life. It really makes a person question their motivation level. Anyway, I feel that I am in a really good place right now, but still taking it day-to-day. I am going to try and get you all up to date in my life.
Mi Casa…
…Is fabulous. I posted some photos on facebook of my new room. It is now even cuter. More vibrant colors and more photos and cards of the people I love the most! The first impression I had of the woman, Alba, that I am living with was dead-on. She is so tranquila or chill. She is a really sweet woman and I think we both respect each other’s privacy. So far it really is working out perfectly. A lot of times when I come home after a day full of being culturally sensitive and speaking Spanish, I only want to be in my room, reading or watching Slumdog Millionaire for the 17th time. And she is okay with that. She has just recently started giving me lunch pretty regularly – which is super.
I have realized since moving here that I really don’t know how to cook. Ha. When I lived by myself in Wilmington, I somehow concocted the idea that I was cooking for myself. When in reality I was going out to eat a lot, living off Kashi pre-made meals, left-overs from Sunday family dinners and the occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am slowly learning here with my limited access to fruits and veggies. Breakfast I pretty much eat some fruit and cook myself some eggs. Just recently mastered hard-boiling eggs. Ha. I know…I am basically freakin Rachael Ray. I rarely have to worry about lunch. People at the health center love to feed me (see next section), Alba or basically anyone’s house I go to around midday will give me lunch. Pretty sweet. Dinner…depends. I typically go to this one family’s house and eat with them – but sometimes I just cannot hack it. I love them, but they are pretty high-maintenance and sometimes I just need a break.
The conditions of my house really are probably one of the nicest in Posoltega. The following sentences will probably shock you. Ha The rain has commenced and the roof is made out of techo which is …hard to explain. Basically a lot of wooden rectangle looking pieces of wood. Anyway, there are several places throughout the house that leak tremendously during the rain. I only have one in my room – it just happens to be right near my only … light bulb. Haha. I am not really that concerned about it – I just put a bucket under it and stay away from sockets.
Just saw my first rat since I moved in over a month ago. Cockroaches are a regular thing at night – but rarely in my room, just in the bathroom. But it is hilarious how someone’s perception can change so quickly. If I had come to this house directly when I arrived in Posoltega I would likely be complaining about these things. Now… in comparison –no biggie. Haven’t had too many problems with electricity and water. Two weeks ago we were without water for almost 24 hours which was the longest we have gone. I have some tea-lite candles which come in handy when the electricity goes out due to the most insane lightning and thunder I have ever heard.
I am really happy here and feel very comfortable with my living conditions. There are some volunteers here that are washing their clothes in the river, bringing water miles to their house to bathe, etc. Therefore… I am very aware of how lucky I am. Even in my town, there are several people whose only source of water is a well. Me = happy I am not on Little House on the Prairie.
Gordita
So. The running joke with anyone that knows me is how … curvy or Hermosa I am getting. This is actually said in a professional setting almost daily. Ha. I forced myself to step on a scale last week in the Health Center. Confirmation? Ahem. Yes. I am only about 6 pounds heavier than when I got here. But it is definitely more about the way I feel. Oh, and the fact that my pants are insanely tight. I am working on a way to rectify this situation. Searching for a gym in the nearby town. And if that fails I have empty big yoghurt bottles that I am going fill with sand/dirt and use as weights. Yeah, that’s my life. Going to buy a bike in the beginning of July, which will be necessary for my work starting in the rural communities. The most difficult thing by far is... people LOVE TO FEED ME. Ha. And it is really a culturally sensitive topic if you refuse someone offering you comida. I know, I know … I need to take care of myself first. I am working on balancing that with keeping good relations within the community. Food is such a big part of the culture here.
It is weird to have one of your favorite ‘outlets’ for frustration or hobby taken away. No one exercises here. Or at least how Americans do. There workout is the incredibly duro or hard work of their lives. Whether it is on the farm, walking 5km to high school, or carrying 12 pieces of fire wood on your head – they are always working off those rice and beans. Although I do not want to do any of the previous mentioned activities – I have to figure out some kind of outlet. My parents are planning on bringing me some balls (of sports…of course), volleyball, basketball, etc. I believe that if I show up at the park – I could get some good games started, and in return be getting some exercise. Vamos haber (new fav saying)…we’ll see. Just need to find some kind of routine that is still culturally acceptable.
Aklecia!
So my friend Aklecia came to visit May 31st for a week and it was so refreshing. It was really great timing because it was right in the middle of this rut that I had been in. Aklecia and I met in Mexico during study abroad and she is also studied in Costa Rica. For this reason, I had no doubts of worries about the conditions of my house for Aklecia. Again, how time can change someone’s perception. She admittedly said to me that she was pretty shocked at the conditions of my house and Posoltega itself. Again, something that would seemingly make me upset – comforted me. She said the most shocking part of it all was how adjusted I was to it all. I am almost positive this is a good thing. Ha. Little things like the bugs, sleeping in a mosquito net, not wasting anything, using a flashlight to go the bathroom or how I wash my dishes – all are quite normal to me now.
The people of Posoltgea embraced Aklecia just as they did me. We went to the beach for two days – and it was so wonderful. The beach really is a haven for me – I cannot help but feel at ease and happy when I am there. The week went incredibly fast – but I was so thankful for her presence. I could not have asked for a better first visit.
Also, have to mention that she brought me a crap load of stuff from my parents. Como… Peanut Butter, my rain boots, my straightner and most importantly…. EVOLUTION aka my favorite wine. 6 months without wine. Not. Normal.
Work it Out
Sooo . The best way to describe how I have felt for the past three weeks is…lost, useless, lacking in motivation (I could go on .. but I think this is sufficient). It has all been a pretty viscous cycle. My counterpart at the Health Center retired from her position as the Community Educator (which was never happening anyway). I really get along with her a lot (she is not the woman I was living with … do not even speak with her), but we were doing … no work. O sea..(or in other wards) we were just working on the Influenza, or Swine Flu. There are now cases in Nicaragua (around 50 or so) and they are putting even more resources into preventing the spread of this flu. I have continued to feel lost at the health center – (with or without a counterpart), but also felt incredibly hesitant about forming my own projects and working with other NGOs or the schools. Mainly because when I am not there they assume that I am at the beach. As much as I wish this was true – it is not.
Anyway, just this week I have decided to let go of everything that has or has not happened in the past three weeks. With or without a counterpart, I am going to work in this community. My project director came to my site on the 11th. To be completely honest, I cried during the first 30 minutes of the interview. I just could not talk about my lack of work without getting choked up. It was sort of like the levy broke, and I could not stop the flow of emotions of the frustrations of the past three weeks of my life. The project director handled it all so well – she was compassionate and understanding but at the same time but some of the blame on me. I have all of these great ideas for projects – but have been hesitating on doing anything. A lot of that has been due to the lack of the role at the health center – and my hesitancy to step outside of their and do things on my own (without offending anyone).
It took a few days after my boss left to really process everything and get myself together. To compare how I am feeling today to last week – is pretty much in a different universe. I have decided to take more control of what I do on a daily basis. Instead of just sitting in the health center waiting for someone to tell me to make a poster or mural (they think I am really artistic.. haha), I have been going to NGOs and schools to form projects by myself. It is really intimidating – but the more I do it, I know the more comfortable I will feel. Monday I start at the high school here in Posoltega and today I met someone I pretty much already consider a counterpart. She is the counselor at the high school and is so excited to work with me and is actually going to give the charlas with me at the high school (which is the whole idea of having a counterpart). I am excited and nervous to start at the high school – but more than anything, I am just excited to be having more things to do. I love being in schools – I just feel incredibly comfortable.
Feeling highly motivated after my visit to the high school and meeting the school counselor (might be fate, right dad?), I went to the health center and decided to give my first charla there. There was a group of about 10 mothers whose children have been identified as underweight or having malnutrition. I gave them a charla on … nutrition. Ha. It went incredibly well – they all participated and were so sweet to me. It was a great first charla in the health center. I gave the same charla to my 5th grade class on Wednesday and it went well also. Besides the fact that when I asked who drank coffee in the class – the entire class raised their hands in glee. They seriously give coffee to children at the age of two or less.
I can already see in the near future that I am going to be so incredibly busy that I will wish I had as much free time that I did these past three weeks. I just deal much better with a jam-packed schedule, rather than an empty one. It’s in my blood. Ha. I have been getting a lot of support from Paula (the volunteer closest to me), Elizabeth (a TEFL volunteer in Chinandagea) and Hana. Hana has actually been having a really difficult time at her site and was considering leaving me … but she is getting a new site assignment which is so amazing. As always, I feel incredibly support by home…aka my heart. I 100% could not do this without you.
Mis padres van a venir en un mes!!!
So my parents will be here in less than a month now! I cannot believe it (and I don’t think they can either) Haha. I am so proud of them and honored that they love me so much that they would come here so quickly – without hesitation. We are going to go to the only resort in Nicaragua for the first few days and then I will introduce them to the ‘real’ Nicaragua – aka my life. I will likely cry the first 24 hours they are here. Ha. No really, I cannot explain how I excited I am – I am so lucky, blessed, loved. Who could ask for more?
I love you all so much – and thank you for your strength and support that you continue to give me. To explain what the means to me is impossible. You are the strength that gets me through the most difficult of days.
Mi Casa…
…Is fabulous. I posted some photos on facebook of my new room. It is now even cuter. More vibrant colors and more photos and cards of the people I love the most! The first impression I had of the woman, Alba, that I am living with was dead-on. She is so tranquila or chill. She is a really sweet woman and I think we both respect each other’s privacy. So far it really is working out perfectly. A lot of times when I come home after a day full of being culturally sensitive and speaking Spanish, I only want to be in my room, reading or watching Slumdog Millionaire for the 17th time. And she is okay with that. She has just recently started giving me lunch pretty regularly – which is super.
I have realized since moving here that I really don’t know how to cook. Ha. When I lived by myself in Wilmington, I somehow concocted the idea that I was cooking for myself. When in reality I was going out to eat a lot, living off Kashi pre-made meals, left-overs from Sunday family dinners and the occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am slowly learning here with my limited access to fruits and veggies. Breakfast I pretty much eat some fruit and cook myself some eggs. Just recently mastered hard-boiling eggs. Ha. I know…I am basically freakin Rachael Ray. I rarely have to worry about lunch. People at the health center love to feed me (see next section), Alba or basically anyone’s house I go to around midday will give me lunch. Pretty sweet. Dinner…depends. I typically go to this one family’s house and eat with them – but sometimes I just cannot hack it. I love them, but they are pretty high-maintenance and sometimes I just need a break.
The conditions of my house really are probably one of the nicest in Posoltega. The following sentences will probably shock you. Ha The rain has commenced and the roof is made out of techo which is …hard to explain. Basically a lot of wooden rectangle looking pieces of wood. Anyway, there are several places throughout the house that leak tremendously during the rain. I only have one in my room – it just happens to be right near my only … light bulb. Haha. I am not really that concerned about it – I just put a bucket under it and stay away from sockets.
Just saw my first rat since I moved in over a month ago. Cockroaches are a regular thing at night – but rarely in my room, just in the bathroom. But it is hilarious how someone’s perception can change so quickly. If I had come to this house directly when I arrived in Posoltega I would likely be complaining about these things. Now… in comparison –no biggie. Haven’t had too many problems with electricity and water. Two weeks ago we were without water for almost 24 hours which was the longest we have gone. I have some tea-lite candles which come in handy when the electricity goes out due to the most insane lightning and thunder I have ever heard.
I am really happy here and feel very comfortable with my living conditions. There are some volunteers here that are washing their clothes in the river, bringing water miles to their house to bathe, etc. Therefore… I am very aware of how lucky I am. Even in my town, there are several people whose only source of water is a well. Me = happy I am not on Little House on the Prairie.
Gordita
So. The running joke with anyone that knows me is how … curvy or Hermosa I am getting. This is actually said in a professional setting almost daily. Ha. I forced myself to step on a scale last week in the Health Center. Confirmation? Ahem. Yes. I am only about 6 pounds heavier than when I got here. But it is definitely more about the way I feel. Oh, and the fact that my pants are insanely tight. I am working on a way to rectify this situation. Searching for a gym in the nearby town. And if that fails I have empty big yoghurt bottles that I am going fill with sand/dirt and use as weights. Yeah, that’s my life. Going to buy a bike in the beginning of July, which will be necessary for my work starting in the rural communities. The most difficult thing by far is... people LOVE TO FEED ME. Ha. And it is really a culturally sensitive topic if you refuse someone offering you comida. I know, I know … I need to take care of myself first. I am working on balancing that with keeping good relations within the community. Food is such a big part of the culture here.
It is weird to have one of your favorite ‘outlets’ for frustration or hobby taken away. No one exercises here. Or at least how Americans do. There workout is the incredibly duro or hard work of their lives. Whether it is on the farm, walking 5km to high school, or carrying 12 pieces of fire wood on your head – they are always working off those rice and beans. Although I do not want to do any of the previous mentioned activities – I have to figure out some kind of outlet. My parents are planning on bringing me some balls (of sports…of course), volleyball, basketball, etc. I believe that if I show up at the park – I could get some good games started, and in return be getting some exercise. Vamos haber (new fav saying)…we’ll see. Just need to find some kind of routine that is still culturally acceptable.
Aklecia!
So my friend Aklecia came to visit May 31st for a week and it was so refreshing. It was really great timing because it was right in the middle of this rut that I had been in. Aklecia and I met in Mexico during study abroad and she is also studied in Costa Rica. For this reason, I had no doubts of worries about the conditions of my house for Aklecia. Again, how time can change someone’s perception. She admittedly said to me that she was pretty shocked at the conditions of my house and Posoltega itself. Again, something that would seemingly make me upset – comforted me. She said the most shocking part of it all was how adjusted I was to it all. I am almost positive this is a good thing. Ha. Little things like the bugs, sleeping in a mosquito net, not wasting anything, using a flashlight to go the bathroom or how I wash my dishes – all are quite normal to me now.
The people of Posoltgea embraced Aklecia just as they did me. We went to the beach for two days – and it was so wonderful. The beach really is a haven for me – I cannot help but feel at ease and happy when I am there. The week went incredibly fast – but I was so thankful for her presence. I could not have asked for a better first visit.
Also, have to mention that she brought me a crap load of stuff from my parents. Como… Peanut Butter, my rain boots, my straightner and most importantly…. EVOLUTION aka my favorite wine. 6 months without wine. Not. Normal.
Work it Out
Sooo . The best way to describe how I have felt for the past three weeks is…lost, useless, lacking in motivation (I could go on .. but I think this is sufficient). It has all been a pretty viscous cycle. My counterpart at the Health Center retired from her position as the Community Educator (which was never happening anyway). I really get along with her a lot (she is not the woman I was living with … do not even speak with her), but we were doing … no work. O sea..(or in other wards) we were just working on the Influenza, or Swine Flu. There are now cases in Nicaragua (around 50 or so) and they are putting even more resources into preventing the spread of this flu. I have continued to feel lost at the health center – (with or without a counterpart), but also felt incredibly hesitant about forming my own projects and working with other NGOs or the schools. Mainly because when I am not there they assume that I am at the beach. As much as I wish this was true – it is not.
Anyway, just this week I have decided to let go of everything that has or has not happened in the past three weeks. With or without a counterpart, I am going to work in this community. My project director came to my site on the 11th. To be completely honest, I cried during the first 30 minutes of the interview. I just could not talk about my lack of work without getting choked up. It was sort of like the levy broke, and I could not stop the flow of emotions of the frustrations of the past three weeks of my life. The project director handled it all so well – she was compassionate and understanding but at the same time but some of the blame on me. I have all of these great ideas for projects – but have been hesitating on doing anything. A lot of that has been due to the lack of the role at the health center – and my hesitancy to step outside of their and do things on my own (without offending anyone).
It took a few days after my boss left to really process everything and get myself together. To compare how I am feeling today to last week – is pretty much in a different universe. I have decided to take more control of what I do on a daily basis. Instead of just sitting in the health center waiting for someone to tell me to make a poster or mural (they think I am really artistic.. haha), I have been going to NGOs and schools to form projects by myself. It is really intimidating – but the more I do it, I know the more comfortable I will feel. Monday I start at the high school here in Posoltega and today I met someone I pretty much already consider a counterpart. She is the counselor at the high school and is so excited to work with me and is actually going to give the charlas with me at the high school (which is the whole idea of having a counterpart). I am excited and nervous to start at the high school – but more than anything, I am just excited to be having more things to do. I love being in schools – I just feel incredibly comfortable.
Feeling highly motivated after my visit to the high school and meeting the school counselor (might be fate, right dad?), I went to the health center and decided to give my first charla there. There was a group of about 10 mothers whose children have been identified as underweight or having malnutrition. I gave them a charla on … nutrition. Ha. It went incredibly well – they all participated and were so sweet to me. It was a great first charla in the health center. I gave the same charla to my 5th grade class on Wednesday and it went well also. Besides the fact that when I asked who drank coffee in the class – the entire class raised their hands in glee. They seriously give coffee to children at the age of two or less.
I can already see in the near future that I am going to be so incredibly busy that I will wish I had as much free time that I did these past three weeks. I just deal much better with a jam-packed schedule, rather than an empty one. It’s in my blood. Ha. I have been getting a lot of support from Paula (the volunteer closest to me), Elizabeth (a TEFL volunteer in Chinandagea) and Hana. Hana has actually been having a really difficult time at her site and was considering leaving me … but she is getting a new site assignment which is so amazing. As always, I feel incredibly support by home…aka my heart. I 100% could not do this without you.
Mis padres van a venir en un mes!!!
So my parents will be here in less than a month now! I cannot believe it (and I don’t think they can either) Haha. I am so proud of them and honored that they love me so much that they would come here so quickly – without hesitation. We are going to go to the only resort in Nicaragua for the first few days and then I will introduce them to the ‘real’ Nicaragua – aka my life. I will likely cry the first 24 hours they are here. Ha. No really, I cannot explain how I excited I am – I am so lucky, blessed, loved. Who could ask for more?
I love you all so much – and thank you for your strength and support that you continue to give me. To explain what the means to me is impossible. You are the strength that gets me through the most difficult of days.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Dreaming...
Preface: I have had a pretty difficult week – and although this short little entry is completely biased, I think it became a really good outlet for my frustration this week. I am going to write more in a blog-style format this weekend about my new house, work, etc. This was just me venting and reflecting on some things I have observed here in Nicaragua. Frankly, I am going through some culture shock for truly the first time. It seems quite delayed – but maybe it is because I am finally really settling in to this new life of mine.
Although this country’s majority in numbers belongs to the mujeres (women), men here certainly have taken the wheel, and have been for centuries in this machismo society (machismo: a society, culture predominantly run by men in every aspect). Maybe I should clarify. Women here do all of the caretaking, cleaning, washing clothes, yard work, etc. This may not sound like a lot to women of my generation – but here it is duro. It is hard, it is daily and everything takes three times as long as it should.
In reality the typical Nicaraguan family (both that I have observed and read factually) starts with a barely out of puberty 15 year old girl and usually a slightly older male at the age of 20. The 15 year old girl, now-turned ‘woman’, is pregnant within months. She stops going to school if she hasn’t already – and prepares for the lifelong job of motherhood. The hombre, typically cannot find work in or around his pueblo – so he searches elsewhere. Most commonly I have found that the husbands are in Costa Rica working on farms, or fincas, or in the United States. They periodically send money back to the family for rice, beans and other essential items (you should see how busy Western Union is here). In my fairytale mind I would like to romanticize this idea of a father sacrificing everything for his family. The realistic part of me knows this is just that, a fairytale.
Although I have never directly asked any of these women I have come into contact with – I cannot help but beg the question: how faithful are these men, in a society that openly acknowledges and even accepts infidelity? Truth be told, these men likely have other families in one – if not multiple parts of the world. There is a sole two-story house in my town of 4,000 habitants. It has been told to me that this man has over twenty-five children just here in Posoltega. One of the families that has ‘adopted’ me, openly discussed that the father had lived in one of the rural communities for over a year and had another child with his mistress some years ago. Normal topic of conversation over my tortilla and cheese with the fam. In this same family – the 15 year old boasts about his four girlfriends – of which two are close friends.
So in reality, the typical Nicaraguan family is a single-mom, with at least four children. Running the household, bills, etc. until her husband comes home for a week every six months or so. When he returns she just has more laundry and more mouths to feed. Condoms here are seriously taboo and largely in part to the machismo attitude – few women demand such a thing, let alone from their husbands. They would quickly be chastised and accused themselves of cheating. Therefore, whenever the husband comes home – he likely impregnates the woman again, at best. One can only imagine how many STDs and HIV is transmitted through this dark corner of Nicaraguan culture. Women are often referred to here as ‘mi mujer’ or my woman. To be referred to as similarly as a motorcycle, a machete – someone’s property. A man’s property.
I must note that I am speaking in large, vast generalizations – and todos los hombres no son iguales. Just as in the United States, all men truly are not the same. I remember that every time I think of my own father.
Over the past week I had met a man at my regular lunch spot – and we instantly starting planning charlas and projects together. He works for the mayor’s office and presented as a very well educated and well-intentioned colleague. I would guess he is 37 years old or so – has two children and is married. All was going well until around 5pm today – when I received a text message from him telling me that I should dream of him tonight. First impressions aren’t everything.
I wouldn’t say I am bitter per say right now, just coming out of the fog of excitement when everything was new and rose-colored. This is probably a good thing – because if I went through these next two years doing that I would be in denial-land. I didn’t sign up for the Peace Corps to go to a 3rd world country and pretend that everything was pretty and perfect. This country has serious problems, infiltrated into the very depths of its existence and the problems they face daily.
It is all relevant to my life here and even more so my work. I can only hope that my work with some of the youth will help to improve some of these young women’s self-esteem – and thus avoid the vicious cycle of young motherhood, poverty and the limitations they both manufacture. The problem with poverty that has been prevalent for centuries – is that it is hard to demonstrate or encourage people to think of a future different than the one that was handed to them. When one does not see a possibility of change, why would they attempt to do anything different? This is the real problem. I suppose it is really no different than the work I was doing with heroin addicts in Delaware. If my client did not see the possibility of change – of something better – he/she had no incentive to change their behavior. Hope is such a beautiful thing – life is so dark without it. Even without knowing with certainty, hoping for something better may actually be more powerful than the change itself. It gives you the opportunity to dream.
I never thought dreaming was a luxury until now.
Although this country’s majority in numbers belongs to the mujeres (women), men here certainly have taken the wheel, and have been for centuries in this machismo society (machismo: a society, culture predominantly run by men in every aspect). Maybe I should clarify. Women here do all of the caretaking, cleaning, washing clothes, yard work, etc. This may not sound like a lot to women of my generation – but here it is duro. It is hard, it is daily and everything takes three times as long as it should.
In reality the typical Nicaraguan family (both that I have observed and read factually) starts with a barely out of puberty 15 year old girl and usually a slightly older male at the age of 20. The 15 year old girl, now-turned ‘woman’, is pregnant within months. She stops going to school if she hasn’t already – and prepares for the lifelong job of motherhood. The hombre, typically cannot find work in or around his pueblo – so he searches elsewhere. Most commonly I have found that the husbands are in Costa Rica working on farms, or fincas, or in the United States. They periodically send money back to the family for rice, beans and other essential items (you should see how busy Western Union is here). In my fairytale mind I would like to romanticize this idea of a father sacrificing everything for his family. The realistic part of me knows this is just that, a fairytale.
Although I have never directly asked any of these women I have come into contact with – I cannot help but beg the question: how faithful are these men, in a society that openly acknowledges and even accepts infidelity? Truth be told, these men likely have other families in one – if not multiple parts of the world. There is a sole two-story house in my town of 4,000 habitants. It has been told to me that this man has over twenty-five children just here in Posoltega. One of the families that has ‘adopted’ me, openly discussed that the father had lived in one of the rural communities for over a year and had another child with his mistress some years ago. Normal topic of conversation over my tortilla and cheese with the fam. In this same family – the 15 year old boasts about his four girlfriends – of which two are close friends.
So in reality, the typical Nicaraguan family is a single-mom, with at least four children. Running the household, bills, etc. until her husband comes home for a week every six months or so. When he returns she just has more laundry and more mouths to feed. Condoms here are seriously taboo and largely in part to the machismo attitude – few women demand such a thing, let alone from their husbands. They would quickly be chastised and accused themselves of cheating. Therefore, whenever the husband comes home – he likely impregnates the woman again, at best. One can only imagine how many STDs and HIV is transmitted through this dark corner of Nicaraguan culture. Women are often referred to here as ‘mi mujer’ or my woman. To be referred to as similarly as a motorcycle, a machete – someone’s property. A man’s property.
I must note that I am speaking in large, vast generalizations – and todos los hombres no son iguales. Just as in the United States, all men truly are not the same. I remember that every time I think of my own father.
Over the past week I had met a man at my regular lunch spot – and we instantly starting planning charlas and projects together. He works for the mayor’s office and presented as a very well educated and well-intentioned colleague. I would guess he is 37 years old or so – has two children and is married. All was going well until around 5pm today – when I received a text message from him telling me that I should dream of him tonight. First impressions aren’t everything.
I wouldn’t say I am bitter per say right now, just coming out of the fog of excitement when everything was new and rose-colored. This is probably a good thing – because if I went through these next two years doing that I would be in denial-land. I didn’t sign up for the Peace Corps to go to a 3rd world country and pretend that everything was pretty and perfect. This country has serious problems, infiltrated into the very depths of its existence and the problems they face daily.
It is all relevant to my life here and even more so my work. I can only hope that my work with some of the youth will help to improve some of these young women’s self-esteem – and thus avoid the vicious cycle of young motherhood, poverty and the limitations they both manufacture. The problem with poverty that has been prevalent for centuries – is that it is hard to demonstrate or encourage people to think of a future different than the one that was handed to them. When one does not see a possibility of change, why would they attempt to do anything different? This is the real problem. I suppose it is really no different than the work I was doing with heroin addicts in Delaware. If my client did not see the possibility of change – of something better – he/she had no incentive to change their behavior. Hope is such a beautiful thing – life is so dark without it. Even without knowing with certainty, hoping for something better may actually be more powerful than the change itself. It gives you the opportunity to dream.
I never thought dreaming was a luxury until now.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
One Step at a Time
Hello friends and family – I hope this entry finds you well and healthy! I first want to thank you again for your continued support; I know that it is very easy to get caught up in our own busy lives, but the continuation of your enthusiasm and encouraging words do more for me than you can imagine.
I decided to go back to writing about general topics as opposed to day-by-day blog entries. I think it is more focused and generally more interesting than a detailed description of my daily life.
Mitch.
Well I don’t mean to start with such a grave topic, but it is the first on the list. Two weeks ago I went to a community that was very affected by Hurricane Mitch in 1998 (it is also might be the highest elevation I will get here in Posoltega). It was a very interesting community and sort of exists on its own. The community is completed isolated from the rest of the municipality due to no public transportation daring to make the track up the mountain. We went up to this community for the vaccination campaign and they vaccinated hundreds of children. I quickly learned while in the community that there is no school. Can you imagine? I also observed that over half of the children were not ‘registered’. In other words, it was never reported that they were born – there is absolutely no record of them. One mother had four children without registry and also did not know their birth dates. Several children did not have names. I cannot even find words to describe what it is like to witness that. Many things were running through my mind – but I obviously said nothing. I was with Guadalupe (aka my counterpart and host-mother) and she lectured the women about how these children deserve names and registry. She went on to explain to them that it was as if the children were animals if they did not have registry.
When I first arrived in Posoltega they told me there had not been a child or maternal death in this municipality in some odd number of years. After witnessing the number of children that are not registered, there are undoubtedly deaths not being reported – because they are never registered in the first place. There was a woman from the mayor’s (Alcade) office with us who was registering some of the children (some as old as 12 years old). This problem is so large and clearly a product of poverty. I know this is so much bigger than one person – but I hope to incorporate this into my work over the next two years.
Side note: the ride up to this site, I was in the back of the Health Center truck (did I mention how the roads were?). I would like to compare it directly to the Safari ride at Disney World, but much, much more intense.
Nica-Time
So. I am beginning to think every Latin American country uses this as an excuse. ‘Tica-Time’ is what Costa Ricans say. ‘Nica-time’ is what Nicaraguans say. Basically what it all means, is that no one is one time here. I am not sure if I already told you this in a previous blog, but people actually say ‘American-time’ if they want people to be on time (although, the result will still be the same). My first experience with this was in Leon when I went to visit my friend Kenya. I got there around 2:30pm ready for a day of walking the city as we had discussed. Instead, I sat in front of a television, drinking coca-cola (we’ll talk about that later) until around 5:30pm. We went and walked around for about two hours and then I repeated the previously mentioned activities while she was getting ready for the discoteca, or club. Patience or paciencia is something that is going to continue to be a learning process here.
Regalos (gifts)
Now after mentioning one of the less attractive qualities of Nicaraguans, I feel it necessary to tell you about one of the best ones. They are so incredibly NICE. I know I already mentioned some about how people have been taking care of me here – but it really has only been increasing as days go on. I go from house to house to say hello to my friends/neighbors and end up bringing home four cucumbers, two avocados and a stomach full of two dinners. I rarely spend money on food here, because everyone wants to feed me! Hence, I am going to start exercising next week. Holy Rice!
Also, while at these people’s houses they either offer me a ‘fresca’ (juice made from Posoltega’s finest) or ‘gaseosa’(the biggest addiction here in Nicaragua…Coca-Cola). Due to several warnings about the water here in Posoltega, I am trying to limit the amount of home-made juices I am drinking and you cannot refuse a drink…therefore I have had more Coca-Cola in the past three weeks than my parents let me combined throughout my entire childhood (I don’t think they know what Diet, Caffeine-Free even is). Yuck. I have got to find a polite way to limit this consumption.
Another fun fact is that they love sopa, soup here. Every. Day. It doesn’t matter that it is 110 degrees out. Was literally sweating into my soup last week.
Time Management
Definitely need to work on that. They did tell us that our work the first three months is to integrate into our town, but I feel like people here are really quite demanding! They want to spend every single second with me (I think it is cultural – not just because I am fabulous…ha)! If I do not show up to someone’s house within two days – they think I moved back to the United States or was sick. I am seriously thinking about setting up a night with each family to avoid feeling pulled in a million directions by these families. I do not feel bad for myself at all – considering I have talked to some people in my group who are having quite the opposite problem in their towns. But for my sanity, I definitely need to work on not letting people suck hours and days out of me.
Role @Health Center, School
The health program of PC Nicaragua is very…open-ended, which has its benefits and drawbacks. The other programs, such as business and environment have a specific schedule and are assigned a specific teacher to work with. The first three weeks here at the Health Center has taught me a little something about myself: I really do enjoy some structure in my life. Especially in my work. I am struggling to find a role at the health center and do not feel an incredible amount of support from the staff. I suppose there is probably fault on both ends. I definitely need to take more initiative and just start doing things. I just finished my ‘Plan de Trabajo’ or work plan for the first three months – and I am already feeling better. I am sure nothing will pan out as planned, but at least I have a plan. Ha.
I feel so comfortable at the schools here and will start giving charlas in two classes within the next two weeks. I do not know if it is less intimidating – but I remember what I observed in Los Limones on my trip to the mountains. The way into any community is through their children. Even after visiting the schools a few times – random children yell my name in the streets. I am working on preparing my materials (with my fabulous markers and scissors) this week and I am really looking forward to working in the schools.
I won’t bore you with a long entry about the Virus that I am sure you see on the news daily. But basically, all of the PCVs were given Tamiflu in case of any occurrence here in Nicaragua – currently we do not have one case. We had a meeting at the health center about it and 45 out of the 50 people fell asleep during the three hours. Fascinating. Oh, and I did not fall asleep! Ha. They are just having emergency action plans in place, yada yada. If a case is found in Nicaragua – all PCVs will be put on ‘StandFast’ which means we will not be allowed to leave our sites until further notice. Hopefully it will not come to this! The health center is so frantic they are actually looking for patients now and finding out who has left the country in the last month and going to their house to test them. Nuts.
Highlight of the last two weeks….
MY PACKAGE CAME FROM MY PARENTS!!!! They sent it on February 25th and I received it one the 27th of April. It had Hershey kisses, peanut butter eggs, Girl Scout cookies, my favorite pair of pants, magazines and much more! I never knew how great melted peanut butter eggs were for breakfast. Ha. I have the best parents in the world!
I also received a package from Kimmers. Thanks for your ‘support.’ It is much appreciated girrrrl. I miss you more than you know.
Also, Aklecia is coming to see me!!!! She will be my first visitor and I am super excited to catch up with her and show her my new life here in Nicaragua.
In addition, I started using my Nikon camera! I feel comfortable using it here – especially when I am with someone from the town. I have started a little project for my friend Abel – who needs photos of the youth of Posoltega for the website for his project. I will post the address when I get it!
Mountains
I randomly decided to go to Esetli this past weekend to meet up with some other volunteers without really knowing how long it would take or how to get there. Weird. After a long yet beautiful ride up there, I arrived in Esteli about five hours after leaving Posoltega. I love the mountains so much, their beauty really astonishes me. I was mesmerized most of the ride. That is, until the drunk guy in the first seat got a little too drunk. He randomly got off the bus and quickly got more beer when it stopped. Twice the bus stopped for him to use the bathroom. Only in Nicaragua. We were less than five minutes from my destination when he began vomiting. Ironically, this man had a Phillies baseball hat on (which is really common here!).
A few of us treated ourselves to a wonderful Italian dinner with WINE!!! It was fabulous. Or it was just fabulous because I have been deprived of both of those. Ha. We’ll never know. It was really nice to talk to the other volunteers and see how their first few weeks have gone in their sites.
Jessie, Brad and I also went to a used clothing store that was having a big sale. I got a Rampage bathing suit, two black shirts and a t-shirt that says ‘East End’ for a total of $6.00 U.S. dollars. Annnnd I felt guilty for spending that much. Seriously. Who have I become?
When I got back on Saturday – I made the rounds to the families that have adopted me and went to bed early due to an intense headache.
Seafood Festival
In true Amanda fashion – although I was not feeling very well, I went to the beach on Sunday. They were having a Seafood Festival (which proved to be a bust anyhow...I had a cold fish patty that compared to 9th grade cafeteria food) in Corinto, the nearby beach. I went with my friend Craig from our group and had a great time. The ocean is so healing…or so I thought. When I got back home, I had a little bit of a cough – and felt feverish. But it was hard to decipher whether it was sunburn or a fever. I decided to take some Tylenol and go to bed.
So who guessed it??
I was pretty sick Monday morning. Felt like an intense sinus infection plus a nagging cough. My sinuses have not been top-shape since I moved here due to the intense amount of burning trash and dust I am exposed to daily. I also have not been sleeping incredibly well – and surprisingly not because of the rats. Since I got my fan I think it drowns out the sound of them. But a sound it cannot conquer is that of the two puppies that my family has now decided to tie up in the kitchen (or right on the other side of my wall). I will not even go into my thoughts on this sanitation issue. They puppies fight and whelp all throughout the night and it is impossible to ignore. I have been utilizing my ipod a lot more, but nonetheless I have been sleeping much menos.
I called the Medical Office on Monday and told my doctor my symptoms. She told me to take a regimen of medication and drink lots of fluids and that it was likely a sinus infection. I have been living out of my suitcases because I don’t have any furniture, so I could not find a thermometer, but I was pretty certain that I was burning up. Abel, my new best friend, went and got the medication for me and also brought me some chicken soup and dinner later on Monday evening. I slept on and off all day Monday and felt a little better in the evening. I slept on and off because the kids of the house I am staying in did not have school. The 15 year old boy is in the stage of ‘blaring music loud enough to make a person deaf’ stage. I was unfortunate enough to be sick during two days that he did not go to school. Needless to say it did not help with my headache and fever. I asked him several times to turn it down, but I don’t think he truly understood how sick I was. During the night, my fever broke again and I did not sleep much during our first thunderstorm of the ‘winter’ or rainy season.
I woke up Tuesday feeling worse and did not go to work again. I continued to take the medications and hoped that after 24 hours of taking it I would start to feel better. Instead I was feeling worse and was sweating through my clothes due to having this fever in 105 degree weather. Never have I ever…had to deal with a fever without air conditioning at my disposal. Wow. Needed it. My head no longer felt like a sinus infection, my entire head was pounding and hurt to lift from my pillow. Today’s selection of pounding music was: Reggae. At least it was decent music. I physically turned it down twice throughout the day because I could not hear who was speaking on the telephone, two rooms away. This music can be heard for blocks.
After using Abel’s thermometer and confirming that my fever was still over 100, I called the medical office twice to find out what I should do. While I was waiting for the doctor to call back, the sub-director of our health center came to see me (provoked by my host-mom, I believe). She did a consultation and said that I undoubtedly had an infection in my lungs. As I sat there sweating through my Old Navy t-shirt like it was paper, I tried to understand everything that she was saying. I could tell she was concerned that I had the ‘influenza humana’, or human virus, as she wore a mask to cover her mouth during the consult. I had doubts about letting them treat me, but all I knew was that I wanted to feel better and likely could not travel to Managua in the state I was in. They ended up putting an IV in my hand for rehydration and antibiotics. They said that if my fever and cough were not better by the next day, I would be tested for the human virus. Fabulous.
I felt like I was on a scene from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman or Little House on the Prairie. The IV bag was tied to a rope that was strung across the tin roof my dirt-floor room. Seriously? I almost immediately fell asleep after they put in the IV and didn’t wake up until around 6:00pm when my host-mom/colleague brought me a fried egg, cube of cheese and bread. I devoured it and went back to sleep until my next round of antibiotics at 11:00pm. They told me to turn off my fan because it was likely blowing dust from dirt floor into my face. I was not happy about this. I woke up on and off throughout the night but was feeling a thousand times better.
I woke up feeling incredibly better and the IV was taken out around 7:00am. I showered and immediately began cleaning my room (aka putting all of my things back into my suitcases). I also was washing clothes and my sheets, excited to have the energy to do so. I spoke with the PC doctor on in the morning and she was concerned about getting treatment outside of Peace Corps. She spoke with the doctor here that treated me on the telephone. She thought it would be best to come to Managua to have x-rays of my chest if the coughing and fever continued. I assured her that my fever and headache was much, much better and that the coughing had subsided. I have to be in contact with her twice a day until the end of the week, but I truly do feel so much better. I understand that she needs to know about the treatment I am receiving, but I also feel like I should have been brought into Managua on Monday when I called talking about tightness in my chest. End result, I am alive and feeling much better.
Throughout this whole mess these last two days, Abel found it necessary to tell me that he is in love with me. It went something like this:
Abel: ‘Amanda – do you believe in love at first sight?’
Amanda: ‘Definitely not.’
Abel: ‘Seriously?’
Amanda: ‘Yes seriously. You have to get to know someone before you can have those feelings.’
Abel: ‘I didn’t believe it either until the first time I saw you. I felt something so deep within my heart and was overcome with emotions.’ (Meanwhile I am lying on bed, sweating through my sheets and pretending to pass out)
So. I was not really able to respond to this yesterday – but I did address that whole conversation today. I told him that that was very nice and flattering but that I was not interested in anything with anyone right now and I that I wanted to focus on my work here. He is very respectful and I do not think for a moment that he has any mal-intention, but it is better that I told him directly what was up. He is very helpful (almost to the point of annoyance) and a good friend; I do feel lucky to have met him despite this little love confession.
Well…that about brings you up to date! Ha. I really am feeling much, much better – so no worries (Aunt Raine!) I only have 8 more days until I get to move and I am super-ready and excited. I love you all so much and would love to hear updates on what is going on in your lives.
I decided to go back to writing about general topics as opposed to day-by-day blog entries. I think it is more focused and generally more interesting than a detailed description of my daily life.
Mitch.
Well I don’t mean to start with such a grave topic, but it is the first on the list. Two weeks ago I went to a community that was very affected by Hurricane Mitch in 1998 (it is also might be the highest elevation I will get here in Posoltega). It was a very interesting community and sort of exists on its own. The community is completed isolated from the rest of the municipality due to no public transportation daring to make the track up the mountain. We went up to this community for the vaccination campaign and they vaccinated hundreds of children. I quickly learned while in the community that there is no school. Can you imagine? I also observed that over half of the children were not ‘registered’. In other words, it was never reported that they were born – there is absolutely no record of them. One mother had four children without registry and also did not know their birth dates. Several children did not have names. I cannot even find words to describe what it is like to witness that. Many things were running through my mind – but I obviously said nothing. I was with Guadalupe (aka my counterpart and host-mother) and she lectured the women about how these children deserve names and registry. She went on to explain to them that it was as if the children were animals if they did not have registry.
When I first arrived in Posoltega they told me there had not been a child or maternal death in this municipality in some odd number of years. After witnessing the number of children that are not registered, there are undoubtedly deaths not being reported – because they are never registered in the first place. There was a woman from the mayor’s (Alcade) office with us who was registering some of the children (some as old as 12 years old). This problem is so large and clearly a product of poverty. I know this is so much bigger than one person – but I hope to incorporate this into my work over the next two years.
Side note: the ride up to this site, I was in the back of the Health Center truck (did I mention how the roads were?). I would like to compare it directly to the Safari ride at Disney World, but much, much more intense.
Nica-Time
So. I am beginning to think every Latin American country uses this as an excuse. ‘Tica-Time’ is what Costa Ricans say. ‘Nica-time’ is what Nicaraguans say. Basically what it all means, is that no one is one time here. I am not sure if I already told you this in a previous blog, but people actually say ‘American-time’ if they want people to be on time (although, the result will still be the same). My first experience with this was in Leon when I went to visit my friend Kenya. I got there around 2:30pm ready for a day of walking the city as we had discussed. Instead, I sat in front of a television, drinking coca-cola (we’ll talk about that later) until around 5:30pm. We went and walked around for about two hours and then I repeated the previously mentioned activities while she was getting ready for the discoteca, or club. Patience or paciencia is something that is going to continue to be a learning process here.
Regalos (gifts)
Now after mentioning one of the less attractive qualities of Nicaraguans, I feel it necessary to tell you about one of the best ones. They are so incredibly NICE. I know I already mentioned some about how people have been taking care of me here – but it really has only been increasing as days go on. I go from house to house to say hello to my friends/neighbors and end up bringing home four cucumbers, two avocados and a stomach full of two dinners. I rarely spend money on food here, because everyone wants to feed me! Hence, I am going to start exercising next week. Holy Rice!
Also, while at these people’s houses they either offer me a ‘fresca’ (juice made from Posoltega’s finest) or ‘gaseosa’(the biggest addiction here in Nicaragua…Coca-Cola). Due to several warnings about the water here in Posoltega, I am trying to limit the amount of home-made juices I am drinking and you cannot refuse a drink…therefore I have had more Coca-Cola in the past three weeks than my parents let me combined throughout my entire childhood (I don’t think they know what Diet, Caffeine-Free even is). Yuck. I have got to find a polite way to limit this consumption.
Another fun fact is that they love sopa, soup here. Every. Day. It doesn’t matter that it is 110 degrees out. Was literally sweating into my soup last week.
Time Management
Definitely need to work on that. They did tell us that our work the first three months is to integrate into our town, but I feel like people here are really quite demanding! They want to spend every single second with me (I think it is cultural – not just because I am fabulous…ha)! If I do not show up to someone’s house within two days – they think I moved back to the United States or was sick. I am seriously thinking about setting up a night with each family to avoid feeling pulled in a million directions by these families. I do not feel bad for myself at all – considering I have talked to some people in my group who are having quite the opposite problem in their towns. But for my sanity, I definitely need to work on not letting people suck hours and days out of me.
Role @Health Center, School
The health program of PC Nicaragua is very…open-ended, which has its benefits and drawbacks. The other programs, such as business and environment have a specific schedule and are assigned a specific teacher to work with. The first three weeks here at the Health Center has taught me a little something about myself: I really do enjoy some structure in my life. Especially in my work. I am struggling to find a role at the health center and do not feel an incredible amount of support from the staff. I suppose there is probably fault on both ends. I definitely need to take more initiative and just start doing things. I just finished my ‘Plan de Trabajo’ or work plan for the first three months – and I am already feeling better. I am sure nothing will pan out as planned, but at least I have a plan. Ha.
I feel so comfortable at the schools here and will start giving charlas in two classes within the next two weeks. I do not know if it is less intimidating – but I remember what I observed in Los Limones on my trip to the mountains. The way into any community is through their children. Even after visiting the schools a few times – random children yell my name in the streets. I am working on preparing my materials (with my fabulous markers and scissors) this week and I am really looking forward to working in the schools.
I won’t bore you with a long entry about the Virus that I am sure you see on the news daily. But basically, all of the PCVs were given Tamiflu in case of any occurrence here in Nicaragua – currently we do not have one case. We had a meeting at the health center about it and 45 out of the 50 people fell asleep during the three hours. Fascinating. Oh, and I did not fall asleep! Ha. They are just having emergency action plans in place, yada yada. If a case is found in Nicaragua – all PCVs will be put on ‘StandFast’ which means we will not be allowed to leave our sites until further notice. Hopefully it will not come to this! The health center is so frantic they are actually looking for patients now and finding out who has left the country in the last month and going to their house to test them. Nuts.
Highlight of the last two weeks….
MY PACKAGE CAME FROM MY PARENTS!!!! They sent it on February 25th and I received it one the 27th of April. It had Hershey kisses, peanut butter eggs, Girl Scout cookies, my favorite pair of pants, magazines and much more! I never knew how great melted peanut butter eggs were for breakfast. Ha. I have the best parents in the world!
I also received a package from Kimmers. Thanks for your ‘support.’ It is much appreciated girrrrl. I miss you more than you know.
Also, Aklecia is coming to see me!!!! She will be my first visitor and I am super excited to catch up with her and show her my new life here in Nicaragua.
In addition, I started using my Nikon camera! I feel comfortable using it here – especially when I am with someone from the town. I have started a little project for my friend Abel – who needs photos of the youth of Posoltega for the website for his project. I will post the address when I get it!
Mountains
I randomly decided to go to Esetli this past weekend to meet up with some other volunteers without really knowing how long it would take or how to get there. Weird. After a long yet beautiful ride up there, I arrived in Esteli about five hours after leaving Posoltega. I love the mountains so much, their beauty really astonishes me. I was mesmerized most of the ride. That is, until the drunk guy in the first seat got a little too drunk. He randomly got off the bus and quickly got more beer when it stopped. Twice the bus stopped for him to use the bathroom. Only in Nicaragua. We were less than five minutes from my destination when he began vomiting. Ironically, this man had a Phillies baseball hat on (which is really common here!).
A few of us treated ourselves to a wonderful Italian dinner with WINE!!! It was fabulous. Or it was just fabulous because I have been deprived of both of those. Ha. We’ll never know. It was really nice to talk to the other volunteers and see how their first few weeks have gone in their sites.
Jessie, Brad and I also went to a used clothing store that was having a big sale. I got a Rampage bathing suit, two black shirts and a t-shirt that says ‘East End’ for a total of $6.00 U.S. dollars. Annnnd I felt guilty for spending that much. Seriously. Who have I become?
When I got back on Saturday – I made the rounds to the families that have adopted me and went to bed early due to an intense headache.
Seafood Festival
In true Amanda fashion – although I was not feeling very well, I went to the beach on Sunday. They were having a Seafood Festival (which proved to be a bust anyhow...I had a cold fish patty that compared to 9th grade cafeteria food) in Corinto, the nearby beach. I went with my friend Craig from our group and had a great time. The ocean is so healing…or so I thought. When I got back home, I had a little bit of a cough – and felt feverish. But it was hard to decipher whether it was sunburn or a fever. I decided to take some Tylenol and go to bed.
So who guessed it??
I was pretty sick Monday morning. Felt like an intense sinus infection plus a nagging cough. My sinuses have not been top-shape since I moved here due to the intense amount of burning trash and dust I am exposed to daily. I also have not been sleeping incredibly well – and surprisingly not because of the rats. Since I got my fan I think it drowns out the sound of them. But a sound it cannot conquer is that of the two puppies that my family has now decided to tie up in the kitchen (or right on the other side of my wall). I will not even go into my thoughts on this sanitation issue. They puppies fight and whelp all throughout the night and it is impossible to ignore. I have been utilizing my ipod a lot more, but nonetheless I have been sleeping much menos.
I called the Medical Office on Monday and told my doctor my symptoms. She told me to take a regimen of medication and drink lots of fluids and that it was likely a sinus infection. I have been living out of my suitcases because I don’t have any furniture, so I could not find a thermometer, but I was pretty certain that I was burning up. Abel, my new best friend, went and got the medication for me and also brought me some chicken soup and dinner later on Monday evening. I slept on and off all day Monday and felt a little better in the evening. I slept on and off because the kids of the house I am staying in did not have school. The 15 year old boy is in the stage of ‘blaring music loud enough to make a person deaf’ stage. I was unfortunate enough to be sick during two days that he did not go to school. Needless to say it did not help with my headache and fever. I asked him several times to turn it down, but I don’t think he truly understood how sick I was. During the night, my fever broke again and I did not sleep much during our first thunderstorm of the ‘winter’ or rainy season.
I woke up Tuesday feeling worse and did not go to work again. I continued to take the medications and hoped that after 24 hours of taking it I would start to feel better. Instead I was feeling worse and was sweating through my clothes due to having this fever in 105 degree weather. Never have I ever…had to deal with a fever without air conditioning at my disposal. Wow. Needed it. My head no longer felt like a sinus infection, my entire head was pounding and hurt to lift from my pillow. Today’s selection of pounding music was: Reggae. At least it was decent music. I physically turned it down twice throughout the day because I could not hear who was speaking on the telephone, two rooms away. This music can be heard for blocks.
After using Abel’s thermometer and confirming that my fever was still over 100, I called the medical office twice to find out what I should do. While I was waiting for the doctor to call back, the sub-director of our health center came to see me (provoked by my host-mom, I believe). She did a consultation and said that I undoubtedly had an infection in my lungs. As I sat there sweating through my Old Navy t-shirt like it was paper, I tried to understand everything that she was saying. I could tell she was concerned that I had the ‘influenza humana’, or human virus, as she wore a mask to cover her mouth during the consult. I had doubts about letting them treat me, but all I knew was that I wanted to feel better and likely could not travel to Managua in the state I was in. They ended up putting an IV in my hand for rehydration and antibiotics. They said that if my fever and cough were not better by the next day, I would be tested for the human virus. Fabulous.
I felt like I was on a scene from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman or Little House on the Prairie. The IV bag was tied to a rope that was strung across the tin roof my dirt-floor room. Seriously? I almost immediately fell asleep after they put in the IV and didn’t wake up until around 6:00pm when my host-mom/colleague brought me a fried egg, cube of cheese and bread. I devoured it and went back to sleep until my next round of antibiotics at 11:00pm. They told me to turn off my fan because it was likely blowing dust from dirt floor into my face. I was not happy about this. I woke up on and off throughout the night but was feeling a thousand times better.
I woke up feeling incredibly better and the IV was taken out around 7:00am. I showered and immediately began cleaning my room (aka putting all of my things back into my suitcases). I also was washing clothes and my sheets, excited to have the energy to do so. I spoke with the PC doctor on in the morning and she was concerned about getting treatment outside of Peace Corps. She spoke with the doctor here that treated me on the telephone. She thought it would be best to come to Managua to have x-rays of my chest if the coughing and fever continued. I assured her that my fever and headache was much, much better and that the coughing had subsided. I have to be in contact with her twice a day until the end of the week, but I truly do feel so much better. I understand that she needs to know about the treatment I am receiving, but I also feel like I should have been brought into Managua on Monday when I called talking about tightness in my chest. End result, I am alive and feeling much better.
Throughout this whole mess these last two days, Abel found it necessary to tell me that he is in love with me. It went something like this:
Abel: ‘Amanda – do you believe in love at first sight?’
Amanda: ‘Definitely not.’
Abel: ‘Seriously?’
Amanda: ‘Yes seriously. You have to get to know someone before you can have those feelings.’
Abel: ‘I didn’t believe it either until the first time I saw you. I felt something so deep within my heart and was overcome with emotions.’ (Meanwhile I am lying on bed, sweating through my sheets and pretending to pass out)
So. I was not really able to respond to this yesterday – but I did address that whole conversation today. I told him that that was very nice and flattering but that I was not interested in anything with anyone right now and I that I wanted to focus on my work here. He is very respectful and I do not think for a moment that he has any mal-intention, but it is better that I told him directly what was up. He is very helpful (almost to the point of annoyance) and a good friend; I do feel lucky to have met him despite this little love confession.
Well…that about brings you up to date! Ha. I really am feeling much, much better – so no worries (Aunt Raine!) I only have 8 more days until I get to move and I am super-ready and excited. I love you all so much and would love to hear updates on what is going on in your lives.
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