Wednesday, June 24, 2009

My So-Called Life

Hello everyone! I know this is incredibly overdue but to be honest my motivation level for writing has been nil these past few weeks. I would be lying to you all if I did not admit that these past few weeks have been the most difficult of my journey so far. Nothing particular happened and this is … the problem. Ha. Never have I ever…had so much free time in my life. It really makes a person question their motivation level. Anyway, I feel that I am in a really good place right now, but still taking it day-to-day. I am going to try and get you all up to date in my life.
Mi Casa…
…Is fabulous. I posted some photos on facebook of my new room. It is now even cuter. More vibrant colors and more photos and cards of the people I love the most! The first impression I had of the woman, Alba, that I am living with was dead-on. She is so tranquila or chill. She is a really sweet woman and I think we both respect each other’s privacy. So far it really is working out perfectly. A lot of times when I come home after a day full of being culturally sensitive and speaking Spanish, I only want to be in my room, reading or watching Slumdog Millionaire for the 17th time. And she is okay with that. She has just recently started giving me lunch pretty regularly – which is super.
I have realized since moving here that I really don’t know how to cook. Ha. When I lived by myself in Wilmington, I somehow concocted the idea that I was cooking for myself. When in reality I was going out to eat a lot, living off Kashi pre-made meals, left-overs from Sunday family dinners and the occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I am slowly learning here with my limited access to fruits and veggies. Breakfast I pretty much eat some fruit and cook myself some eggs. Just recently mastered hard-boiling eggs. Ha. I know…I am basically freakin Rachael Ray. I rarely have to worry about lunch. People at the health center love to feed me (see next section), Alba or basically anyone’s house I go to around midday will give me lunch. Pretty sweet. Dinner…depends. I typically go to this one family’s house and eat with them – but sometimes I just cannot hack it. I love them, but they are pretty high-maintenance and sometimes I just need a break.
The conditions of my house really are probably one of the nicest in Posoltega. The following sentences will probably shock you. Ha The rain has commenced and the roof is made out of techo which is …hard to explain. Basically a lot of wooden rectangle looking pieces of wood. Anyway, there are several places throughout the house that leak tremendously during the rain. I only have one in my room – it just happens to be right near my only … light bulb. Haha. I am not really that concerned about it – I just put a bucket under it and stay away from sockets.
Just saw my first rat since I moved in over a month ago. Cockroaches are a regular thing at night – but rarely in my room, just in the bathroom. But it is hilarious how someone’s perception can change so quickly. If I had come to this house directly when I arrived in Posoltega I would likely be complaining about these things. Now… in comparison –no biggie. Haven’t had too many problems with electricity and water. Two weeks ago we were without water for almost 24 hours which was the longest we have gone. I have some tea-lite candles which come in handy when the electricity goes out due to the most insane lightning and thunder I have ever heard.
I am really happy here and feel very comfortable with my living conditions. There are some volunteers here that are washing their clothes in the river, bringing water miles to their house to bathe, etc. Therefore… I am very aware of how lucky I am. Even in my town, there are several people whose only source of water is a well. Me = happy I am not on Little House on the Prairie.
Gordita
So. The running joke with anyone that knows me is how … curvy or Hermosa I am getting. This is actually said in a professional setting almost daily. Ha. I forced myself to step on a scale last week in the Health Center. Confirmation? Ahem. Yes. I am only about 6 pounds heavier than when I got here. But it is definitely more about the way I feel. Oh, and the fact that my pants are insanely tight. I am working on a way to rectify this situation. Searching for a gym in the nearby town. And if that fails I have empty big yoghurt bottles that I am going fill with sand/dirt and use as weights. Yeah, that’s my life. Going to buy a bike in the beginning of July, which will be necessary for my work starting in the rural communities. The most difficult thing by far is... people LOVE TO FEED ME. Ha. And it is really a culturally sensitive topic if you refuse someone offering you comida. I know, I know … I need to take care of myself first. I am working on balancing that with keeping good relations within the community. Food is such a big part of the culture here.
It is weird to have one of your favorite ‘outlets’ for frustration or hobby taken away. No one exercises here. Or at least how Americans do. There workout is the incredibly duro or hard work of their lives. Whether it is on the farm, walking 5km to high school, or carrying 12 pieces of fire wood on your head – they are always working off those rice and beans. Although I do not want to do any of the previous mentioned activities – I have to figure out some kind of outlet. My parents are planning on bringing me some balls (of sports…of course), volleyball, basketball, etc. I believe that if I show up at the park – I could get some good games started, and in return be getting some exercise. Vamos haber (new fav saying)…we’ll see. Just need to find some kind of routine that is still culturally acceptable.
Aklecia!
So my friend Aklecia came to visit May 31st for a week and it was so refreshing. It was really great timing because it was right in the middle of this rut that I had been in. Aklecia and I met in Mexico during study abroad and she is also studied in Costa Rica. For this reason, I had no doubts of worries about the conditions of my house for Aklecia. Again, how time can change someone’s perception. She admittedly said to me that she was pretty shocked at the conditions of my house and Posoltega itself. Again, something that would seemingly make me upset – comforted me. She said the most shocking part of it all was how adjusted I was to it all. I am almost positive this is a good thing. Ha. Little things like the bugs, sleeping in a mosquito net, not wasting anything, using a flashlight to go the bathroom or how I wash my dishes – all are quite normal to me now.
The people of Posoltgea embraced Aklecia just as they did me. We went to the beach for two days – and it was so wonderful. The beach really is a haven for me – I cannot help but feel at ease and happy when I am there. The week went incredibly fast – but I was so thankful for her presence. I could not have asked for a better first visit.
Also, have to mention that she brought me a crap load of stuff from my parents. Como… Peanut Butter, my rain boots, my straightner and most importantly…. EVOLUTION aka my favorite wine. 6 months without wine. Not. Normal.
Work it Out
Sooo . The best way to describe how I have felt for the past three weeks is…lost, useless, lacking in motivation (I could go on .. but I think this is sufficient). It has all been a pretty viscous cycle. My counterpart at the Health Center retired from her position as the Community Educator (which was never happening anyway). I really get along with her a lot (she is not the woman I was living with … do not even speak with her), but we were doing … no work. O sea..(or in other wards) we were just working on the Influenza, or Swine Flu. There are now cases in Nicaragua (around 50 or so) and they are putting even more resources into preventing the spread of this flu. I have continued to feel lost at the health center – (with or without a counterpart), but also felt incredibly hesitant about forming my own projects and working with other NGOs or the schools. Mainly because when I am not there they assume that I am at the beach. As much as I wish this was true – it is not.
Anyway, just this week I have decided to let go of everything that has or has not happened in the past three weeks. With or without a counterpart, I am going to work in this community. My project director came to my site on the 11th. To be completely honest, I cried during the first 30 minutes of the interview. I just could not talk about my lack of work without getting choked up. It was sort of like the levy broke, and I could not stop the flow of emotions of the frustrations of the past three weeks of my life. The project director handled it all so well – she was compassionate and understanding but at the same time but some of the blame on me. I have all of these great ideas for projects – but have been hesitating on doing anything. A lot of that has been due to the lack of the role at the health center – and my hesitancy to step outside of their and do things on my own (without offending anyone).
It took a few days after my boss left to really process everything and get myself together. To compare how I am feeling today to last week – is pretty much in a different universe. I have decided to take more control of what I do on a daily basis. Instead of just sitting in the health center waiting for someone to tell me to make a poster or mural (they think I am really artistic.. haha), I have been going to NGOs and schools to form projects by myself. It is really intimidating – but the more I do it, I know the more comfortable I will feel. Monday I start at the high school here in Posoltega and today I met someone I pretty much already consider a counterpart. She is the counselor at the high school and is so excited to work with me and is actually going to give the charlas with me at the high school (which is the whole idea of having a counterpart). I am excited and nervous to start at the high school – but more than anything, I am just excited to be having more things to do. I love being in schools – I just feel incredibly comfortable.
Feeling highly motivated after my visit to the high school and meeting the school counselor (might be fate, right dad?), I went to the health center and decided to give my first charla there. There was a group of about 10 mothers whose children have been identified as underweight or having malnutrition. I gave them a charla on … nutrition. Ha. It went incredibly well – they all participated and were so sweet to me. It was a great first charla in the health center. I gave the same charla to my 5th grade class on Wednesday and it went well also. Besides the fact that when I asked who drank coffee in the class – the entire class raised their hands in glee. They seriously give coffee to children at the age of two or less.
I can already see in the near future that I am going to be so incredibly busy that I will wish I had as much free time that I did these past three weeks. I just deal much better with a jam-packed schedule, rather than an empty one. It’s in my blood. Ha. I have been getting a lot of support from Paula (the volunteer closest to me), Elizabeth (a TEFL volunteer in Chinandagea) and Hana. Hana has actually been having a really difficult time at her site and was considering leaving me … but she is getting a new site assignment which is so amazing. As always, I feel incredibly support by home…aka my heart. I 100% could not do this without you.
Mis padres van a venir en un mes!!!
So my parents will be here in less than a month now! I cannot believe it (and I don’t think they can either) Haha. I am so proud of them and honored that they love me so much that they would come here so quickly – without hesitation. We are going to go to the only resort in Nicaragua for the first few days and then I will introduce them to the ‘real’ Nicaragua – aka my life. I will likely cry the first 24 hours they are here. Ha. No really, I cannot explain how I excited I am – I am so lucky, blessed, loved. Who could ask for more?

I love you all so much – and thank you for your strength and support that you continue to give me. To explain what the means to me is impossible. You are the strength that gets me through the most difficult of days.

2 comments:

  1. Amanda,
    Another great blog! You have such a talent to describe and give the details that make your writing "real". Some of it I wish was not so vivid. LOL. We are so excited about coming! Can't wait to hug and kiss you!
    Dad

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  2. you are my hero!!!!! love dezzy doo

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